Chapter 201: Vanish into You

Ru Yi had stopped counting the days since she left Ashen Fortress.

The underground chamber beneath General Sheng’s stronghold had become her world, and every morning began the same way. She would stand before the Eclipse Relic, place her hand over the ancient crescent-shaped stone, and summon the shadow that had frightened her for most of her life.

At first, she was terrified of it. Now she was beginning to understand it.

The shadow responded to her emotions, growing stronger whenever she experienced fear, anger, grief or desperation.

When she was calm, it remained beneath her feet like an ordinary shadow, obedient and almost harmless. When her emotions became intense, however, it changed completely, stretching across walls and ceilings and consuming the spiritual energy contained within the formations around her.

General Sheng had spent the previous several days teaching her how to control it. "Again," he said from the edge of the chamber.

Ru Yi wiped the sweat from her forehead and stared at the formation in front of her. "I’ve already done it six times."

A flicker of disappointment ghosted his face. "And you lost control three times."

Ru Yi found herself sighing in frustration. "I was tired." She didn’t think learning how to control would take this much toll on her.

"You were angry." General Sheng clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "You can only control it when you get a hold of your emotions. It’s similar to learning cultivation."

Ru Yi frowned. "Sorry to break it to you, but I knew learned that because of my—"

"Shattered meridians," General Sheng finished for her. "Those are just mediocre excuses for being a failure."

Ru Yi gritted her teeth in annoyance. "I’m not making excuses. Not like someone like you would ever understand." She looked away. His words might be harsh, but he also wasn’t totally wrong.

Every time she thought about Qingyue, the shadow became harder to control. The same happened whenever she remembered Lieyin’s expression or Yexue’s tears. Their faces had become fuel for something inside her, and the more she tried to suppress those memories, the more violently the shadow responded.

General Sheng walked toward the formation. "The problem is that you keep treating your emotions as an obstacle."

Her forehead creased as she looked at the older man. "Aren’t they?"

General Sheng pinched the bridge of his nose. "No." He looked directly at her. "They are the source of your strength. You channel the energy that comes with them into pure strength."

Ru Yi stared at him. "What if all I feel is pain?"

"It doesn’t matter what you feel, Ru Yi. All emotions are energy, all you have to do is learn how to use it for your highest good."

Ru Yi felt even more confused than when she started. "How am I supposed to control what I feel? Everything inside of me hurts, like a knife was plunged inside my heart and pulled out without mercy."

Sheng shook his head. "Pain is simply what you feel when something matters enough to hurt you. Overcomplicate it and it becomes harder to control."

Ru Yi’s fingers curled. She hated how easily he could put words to things she couldn’t explain. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Stop running from it." His jaw flexed but it wasn’t from anger. He was merely suppressing a memory of his own pain that he’d transmuted into strength. "Feel all of it, and then let go without being consumed by it."

Ru Yi closed her eyes.

She’d been replaying this exact memory for all of her training, and each time she replayed it in her head... It hurts all the same.

She remembered Qingyue holding her hand. She remembered the jade necklace that had been taken from her. She remembered the warmth of Qingyue’s embrace and the way she had once told Ru Yi that she belonged with the three sisters.

Then she remembered Qingyue turning away. The ring breaking. Most especially...her heart breaking with it.

The shadow exploded outward and Ru Yi’s eyes opened.

Darkness surged across the chamber, swallowing the glowing formations one after another. The stone beneath her feet trembled as spiritual energy was pulled toward her.

General Sheng immediately stepped backward. "Control it. I know you can do it, Ru Yi."

Ru Yi gritted her teeth.

The shadow continued expanding. She could feel its hunger and the need to consume everything within close proximity.

It wanted more.

It wanted everything.

Ru Yi’s breathing became uneven.

Then she remembered Qingyue’s final words.

Make sure I never lay my eyes on her again.

Something inside her went cold.

"Enough."

The shadow stopped, while Ru Yi stood motionless as the darkness slowly returned to her feet.

General Sheng watched her carefully. "You did it."

Ru Yi looked down. Did any of this really matter to her?

"I almost didn’t," she muttered, her thoughts still swirling from the memory she kept conjuring over and over again.

"But you did." He kept his gaze leveled on her. "I know you can do better than this. But it’s a good start for someone without a foundation on cultivation.

She stared at the damaged formations. "How much power can it take?"

General Sheng’s expression became thoughtful. "That depends on how much you are willing to give it."

Ru Yi looked at him. "And if I give it everything?"

His expression turned grave. "You might lose yourself." Not that it particularly mattered to him. As long as she saved his purpose, he didn’t care what the consequences were.

The answer should have frightened her. Instead, Ru Yi found herself wondering whether there was anything left to lose. Maybe she should’ve stuck with the original plot and let herself get killed like in the book.

After all, there was little difference between her and a dead person.

That night, she sat alone in her room with the broken ring resting beside her. She picked up one half and turned it between her fingers. She still couldn’t accept what it meant.

The ring had only broken because Qingyue no longer wanted the bond. Or perhaps because Qingyue no longer loved her. Ru Yi pressed the metal against her palm.

She placed the broken ring down and looked at her shadow. "You’re the only thing that stayed." Not even Han Shuying, who had sworn to keep Ru Yi by her side, had done anything when she was being taken away.

What happened to taking her back to the capital? Han Shuying might not have loved her like the triplets, but Ru Yi had sensed that dark obsession under her intense gaze.

The darkness around moved and Ru Yi stared at it.

For the first time, she didn’t feel afraid. "You won’t leave me, will you?"

The shadow curled around her feet like it was giving her an answer. Ru Yi closed her eyes. She had spent so long trying to become someone worthy of being loved that she had forgotten she was allowed to want something for herself.

And what did she really want?