Chapter 185: Always and forever?

Ru Yi laid awake in the darkness of the room, staring at the faded wooden beans above her. The soft glow of moonlight slipped through the narrow window and painted pale lines across the room.

The castle had fallen into complete silence hours ago, but sleep eluded her no matter how many times she closed her eyes or shifted beneath the thin blankets.

Lieyin still hadn’t returned.

So now she laid between Qingyue and Yexue, listening to the steady rhythm of their breathing while her own thoughts refused to settle. She turned slightly and looked at Yexue.

The blonde strands of her hair had fallen across her cheek, and the usually sharp features of her face looked softer in sleep.

There was something strangely peaceful about seeing her like this, something that made Ru Yi’s chest ache with affection.

Then she looked at Qingyue. Her eyes were closed but Ru Yi couldn’t tell whether she was sleeping or not.

Tomorrow.

The word had been haunting her for hours on end. Every possible scenario about how her confession would go ended up with the sisters despising her. Would they ask for their mother’s jade necklace back?

Ru Yi’s heart broke at that thought. She wasn’t ready to lose any of them. But she couldn’t continue lying to the women who had given her something she never believed she would have.

Love.

Ru Yi sighed softly and turned to her side. She tried closing her eyes again but her heart felt too heavy.

Then the mattress shifted beside her.

Ru Yi froze.

Qingyue turned towards her and in the darkness their eyes met. "You can’t sleep either?" she asked in a soft voice so she wouldn’t wake Yexue up.

Ru Yi hesitated before nodding. Then she asked, "what’s troubling you?"

Qingyue was quiet for a moment before letting out a soft breath. "I’m worried about the soldiers? About everything? What if I didn’t make the right choice by coming here?"

Ru Yi’s heart sank. She had never seen Qingyue so unsure of herself before.

Qingyue looked toward the ceiling. "We barely have enough men to make an army. I’m supposed to start training them tomorrow like I know exactly what I’m doing."

"You do know what you’re doing."

Qinyue’s voice carried a quiet frustration. "They’re not like the imperial soldiers I’ve trained with since I was a child. Their skills have gone blunt and there’s not enough time to get them in proper shape."

Ru Yi remained silent. She had a feeling Qingyue just needed to get a few things off her chest.

"Most of the men who originally fought alongside my mother are already old. The younger ones have never held a sword properly. These people have spent years surviving without anyone giving them a reason to believe in a future."

Ru Yi turned fully toward her. "Are you afraid they won’t be willing to fight for what you believe in?"

Qingyue gave her a single nod. "Right now...I’m even sure of what I believe in anymore."

Ru Yi reached out and touched the smooth curve of her neck gently.

"I keep thinking about the children we saw when we arrived. They’re living in this ruin because someone decided their lives weren’t worth protecting." There was a vulnerability in her voice that Ru Yi rarely heard. "I don’t want to fail them."

"You won’t." Ru Yi tightened her hold on Qingyue. "If anyone can protect them...it’s you."

A lone tear Ru Yi couldn’t see slid down the side of Qingyue’s face. "You can’t promise that."

Ru Yi looked into her eyes. "I need you to know that you’re more capable than what you give yourself credit for. And you won’t be alone, you have sisters that are willing to fight by your side."

"What about you? Will you be by my side no matter what?"

Ru Yi’s gaze dropped, she couldn’t bear to lie to her. "If you will have me...then yes." She decided to test the waters. "What if I lied to you about something that really hurt you?"

Qingyue searched Ru Yi’s eyes. "What did you lie about?"

"I’m just—"

Qingyue could see the guilt swirling in her large brown eyes. "Then keep lying to me for a bit longer," she replied. "I don’t want to deal with a reality where you’re not by my side."

Ru Yi struggled to blink back the tears that were growing in her eyes. "Qingyue...I didn’t think you loved me that much."

Qingyue took Ru Yi’s hand and placed it against her chest. "My heart beats your name, Ru Yi. I don’t know how I was able to live without you before, but I’m not trying to find out about it now."

Qingyue slowly lifted their joined hands and pressed the rings together. The metal touched with a faint sound and for a moment neither of them spoke.

Ru Yi stared at the rings, remembering everything that happened since she first wore it. The strange pull she had felt towards Qingyue...the way Qingyue’s spiritual energy had suddenly returned when her blood touched Ru Yi’s ring.

The bond neither of them fully understood...

Qingyue’s thumb brushed gently over Ru Yi’s fingers. "Lets not think of any of this tonight," she whispered. "The soldiers, the throne...I want to have this moment with you alone." She shifted closer.

Tears started to gather at the corner of Ru Yi’s eyes all over again. She didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve Qingyue’s trust or her affection. She certainly didn’t deserve the possibility that Qingyue might understand why she did what she did.

Qingyue immediately noticed the sadness in her eyes. "What’s wrong?"

Ru Yi shook her head. "Nothing."

Qingyue studied her for a couple seconds. "You’re doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Bottling up your feelings." Qingyue sighed softly. "I wish I could feel your emotions in the same way Lieyin can. Maybe I should’ve been the one to give you my core energy."

Ru Yi gave her a sad smile. "I don’t need your core energy to love you, Qingyue. I think we were always meant to be."