Chapter 148: A Crown’s Burden

The room fell into a suffocating quiet after Yexue left. But Lieyin could not stay still within it, her anger was too sharp, too alive.

She paced the room with tight controlled steps, her jaw clenched and her thoughts circling the same words over and over again. Each repetition stoked the fire rather than dim it.

She told herself Yexue was just being reckless, that she was letting something insignificant disrupt everything they had worked hard for.

If only she could get out of her feelings and put her priorities in order. Love really did make people feel stupid things.

And what if Qingyue and Ru Yi were bound by some old magic? It wasn’t a reason to fight with them. They could all share like they’d done in the past. What was wrong with that?

"She’s acting really childish, especially for some—" Lieyin was past the point of casually calling Ru Yi a lowly maid. "Woman..." she finished, like she hadn’t been clinging to the same woman just a few nights ago.

"Don’t dismiss her feelings like they mean nothing," Qingyue said quietly.

Lieyin stopped and turned sharply towards her, irritation flaring again at the calmness she was met with.

Qingyue stood near the window, her face composed in that calm nature. But if you looked inward, you could see that her thoughts had turned against her rather than outward toward strategy and control.

"If anything we should be grateful that she finally opened up to us about how she truly feels," Qingyue continued in a softer voice.

"Yexue has always hidden her emotions behind easy smiles and that flirty attitude. I didn’t think anything of it because I believed she didn’t remember that night our mother was murdered. I thought she was shielded from the horror of our childhood—"

She inhaled slowly. "All this while she’d been hiding her pain so we wouldn’t worry. It makes me feel like I failed her."

Lieyin scoffed. "There’s no need for you to always carry the burden of taking care of us." She finally took a good look at Qingyue, as if finally seeing her in a different light. "Besides you were a child too."

Qingyue immediately changed the pity when she heard the pity that was trying to slip into Lieyin’s tone. "Yexue is not completely wrong."

Lieyin frowned deeply, disbelief settling into her features. "Not completely wrong? She called you selfish."

Qingyue did not flinch at the word this time. "Rightfully so."

The lack of denial unsettled Lieyin more than the anger she felt. Because Qingyue always put them first before herself, and she was doing it even now.

"I never asked either of you what you wanted," Qingyue said after a moment, her gaze lowering as she allowed herself to examine what she’d ignored for a long time.

"I decided what our lives would be, what path we would take, and I never stopped to consider that you might’ve wanted a life different from the power struggle we were raised in."

"That path kept us alive," Lieyin replied immediately with more force than necessary.

"It did," Qingyue agreed before lifting her eyes to meet Lieyin’s, "and I would make the same choice if it came to our survival, but that doesn’t mean it was the only life we could have lived."

Shen Lieyin found herself without a quick answer, her frustration shifting into rage that couldn’t be defined. She didn’t have the words to push back against Qingyue’s logic.

"I want the throne," Qingyue admitted, her voice quiet but unwavering, "because it is the only place no one can reach us, the only place where we will never be at the mercy of someone else’s decision. It’s the only way I know how to keep the two of you safe."

That part, at least, Lieyin understood completely. It had always been the foundation of everything they had done.

But Qingyue’s expression shifted, her composure thinning as her thoughts turned somewhere. "I’m worried about Yexue. I know she said those things out of anger, but it’s only because she’s hurting."

Lieyin’s lips pressed together, but she didn’t argue.

"I don’t know how to help her..." Qingyue touched the ring around her finger. She hated that it couldn’t come off, but no matter how much she thought about it...she couldn’t find it in her to regret what happened with Ru Yi.

"Just let her be," Lieyin replied. "She’ll come around like always."

Qingyue shook her head. "I don’t want her to continue this journey if that’s how she feels."

Lieyin found herself panicking. "What do you mean? We can’t leave her behind?" She looked at the door like Yexue would materialize out of it. "You know we’ve never been apart since we were children. She can’t survive on her own."

"Not if she has Ru Yi..." Qingyue looked at the ring again. "It’ll be better for everyone. At least the effects of the ring won’t be as severe if I’m far from Ru Yi. Yexue will have one less thing to worry about."

"What about me?" Lieyin tried not to sound vulnerable but Qingyue caught the slight tremble in her voice.

"If the path we’re on only leads to more resentment and anger between us, then I have to question if our journey to Ashen Fortress is still worth it. Especially if neither of you even want the life that waits for us behind those palace walls."

Lieyin’s chest tightened at that, the certainty she had always carried began to slip in a way that made her deeply uncomfortable.

Qingyue turned full toward her. "What do you really want, Lieyin? Be honest with me."

The question landed heavily.

Lieyin opened her mouth to answer without thinking, but the words never came. She realized then that every answer she could give was tied to survival, to violence, to the path Qingyue had laid out before them.

Not once had she considered anything beyond it.

"I don’t know," she finally admitted in a tiny voice that screamed defeat.

Qingyue watched her carefully, and though her expression remained calm, sadness wavered beneath it.

"You just proved Yexue’s point," she said softly, not as an accusation. "You don’t know who you are outside of the violence and bloodshed you were to grow accustomed to."

Lieyin flinched like she’d been physically hit.

Qingyue let out a soft sigh and turned back to the window. Maybe she’d have to go to Ashen Fortress herself. This was her choice...it was her burden to carry.