Chapter 56: The Beginning of the Oldsman War

Henrek, Utarou, Barney, Bluelia and May sat in the wall tower at the round table.

“I’m not happy that Julia is with the dwarves.” Henrek stated plainly.

“I’m not, I’m right here.” Bluelia restated, annoyed.

“I’m not happy that Julia is with the dwarves, or with the Pope, or in Lolcons.” Henrek restated again.

“And I keep telling you! I’m RIGHT here!” Bluelia shouted, slamming her fist onto the table.

“Bluelia here is getting annoyed that Henrek considers Pinklia, Greylia, and the other Bluelia, equally Julia… I need to defuse the tension.” Utarou thought plainly, wondering how he, a man with the emotional bandwidth of a moldy potato, could handle this with the tact and grace it required.

“I think there’s an easy solution we’re all missing here people.” Utarou declared, slamming his palms into the table for emphasis.

“Oh great, whatcha got now?” May asked, bracing herself for whatever nonsense he was about to spout.

“Julia! You are now, Blue!” Utarou declared.

Julia looked down at herself and up at Utarou.

“Yes…?”

“No no, I mean you are Julia, the Julia in the dungeon is Julia, the Julia with the dwarves is Julia, the Julia with the pope is Julia. You are ALL Julia, every part of you became able to move all at once, you all have the same memories right?”

“Hmm… Alright….” Bluelia grimamaced as she realized where Utarou was going.

“So, you’re Bluelia! Pinklia, Greylia, easy! Just to keep things simple.” Utarou declared.

“Hmpth, fine, we’re conducting a rescue mission just to get some of my hair.” Bluelia huffed, crossing her arms.

“See! No worries, now regarding Greylia, relax Henrek, the Pope is very…” Utarou trailed off.

“... Affectionate.” Utarou said blankly.

“I am only trusting Julia’s judgement in you, remember that.” Henrek growled.

“Regardless, we’ll be able to get this skirmish started soon, crush both armies in one swoop and claim their territories as our own.” Utarou cackled.

“Excuse me?” Henrek asked.

“I-I mean, save the rest of Bluelia!” Utarou clarified.

Penelope had been very strict with her instructions.

Do not let anyone find out the plan to start a full blown war.

…

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO PLANNING?!” Pinklia screamed as she paced around their shared dwarven dorm in a panic.

“Urgh, I knew you’d be a nervous nancy.” Penelope tutted as she closed one of the translation books Meachin had given her.

“YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT A FULL BLOWN WAR! I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST GOING TO DISTRACT LOLCONS AND RESCUE THE REST OF ME!” Pinklia exclaimed incredulously.

“Hah! Tut tut tut young Julia, if we’re decimating two provinces' armies we should make use of that fact, right~?”

“I’m older than you.” Pinklia replied back bluntly, slumping down into her bed.

“Alrighty then granny, think about it like this. Utarou wants to make Monsteria a legitimate nation, we’re already declaring war on both of our neighbours. It’d be insane to not take the opportunity to grab a little bit of land.” Penelope explained, hiding a devious smirk.

“Then we can go after the old man himself once we bulk up our military…” Penelope thought as she snickered.

“You’re making Utarou’s face… God you really do have a crush on him.” Pinklia sneered.

“H-Hey!” Penelope retorted fruitlessly. Then, there was a knock at the door.

“Come in.” Pinklia snapped, now thoroughly annoyed at Penelope.

Slowly opening the door, was one of the mechanical servants that wandered the halls of this Dwarven Fortress.

It was humanoid, made out of wood and metal, with ball joints and finely crafted components.

It was a golem.

A golem maid.

Something Penelope had already tagged as necessary to return home with, not only for her own research, but to win brownie points with Utarou.

Not because of the crush, but for political influence.

She swears.

The golem maid wore an archetypically moe maid dress, it had large eyes with aperture-like irises and had no mouth or nose.

It was like a living doll, with unnaturally smooth and mechanical motions.

Pinklia wasn’t a fan.

The golem maid handed Penelope a note, written in both Runic and Standard Script.

“Hope you are well, I am… Emily.” Penelope said, looking up at the machine, who simply stared at her.

Despite being a dwarven creation she was slender and tall, by dwarven standards anyway, by human standards she was a bit shorter and slightly chunkier than a human woman.

The golem, Emily, nodded, grabbing another piece of paper and a quill and quickly writing down another message in both writing systems.

Penelope grabbed it and read it aloud.

“I will be your personal assistant for the duration of your stay, don’t hesitate to ask me for anything. Be aware that my ears and mouth have been removed, so I have to communicate through paper. Could you please confirm you understand me… Oh my god she’s adorable.” Penelope gasped as she grabbed a hold of the machine, which didn’t react as Penelope began looking at its joints.

“C-could you not? That thing is creeping me out…” Pinklia muttered, she could hear the hiss of mana radiating off of it, like the buzz of a CRT.

“Oh I am going to figure out how you work… Okay yes! I understand! See?” Penelope pointed towards the Standard Script and gave a big thumbs up. Emily nodded and wrote another note.

“You appear interested in my architecture, I am not allowed to disclose dwarven secrets so please don’t study me too intensely as I cannot react.” Emily wrote, the paper being thrown away by Penelope as she continued to intensely study the golem.

For the war effort of course.

…

“For Julia of course!” Utarou clarified as he thought about how hard Penelope must be working right now from behind dwarven lines.

“Whatever, I’ve mapped out the battle grounds. If we want to provoke a skirmish we’ll need to send an unknown individual in to act as a concerned citizen. I’ve already contacted Rufus and Hans, so they’re both on standby when you give the go ahead.” Henrek explained as he laid out the map.

He’d made a detailed sketch of the battle field, it was the lake they’d had a picnic before the incident all that time ago.

“Without Penelope’s ol’ earthquake magic, what’s the plan to crush the bastards what hurt my boys then?” May asked vindictively.

“Simple, we’re going to use some Dwarven Thunder.” Utarou smirked.