Chapter 129 - Mother Dearest, Mother Deadliest

"Mother, respectfully, please do not threaten my girlfriend." Eira sighed, clearly exasperated. It was a very different attitude than I expected.

"Oh c'mon, Eira! I barely see you these days, and I just wanted to have a little fun. I never get to play the overprotective mama!" The pirate queen pouted.

Pouted? Pouted. This was a complete turnaround in personality, and I was flabbergasted. I tried my best not to show it, in case this was some kind of trick.

She put her hand on my shoulder and grinned at me. "Apologies, I just couldn't help myself. Most of my children's suitors would give up right then and there, which is usually a good sign of their mettle. My reputation does half the work for me these days."

"Don't you have more important things to be doing, mother? Like the, I don't know, everything you just had a meeting about?" Eira stood, lifting her section of the table, and pulling me away into her arms.

"Oh come now! This is what delegation was created for! Anyway, it's been a while since you've left, and you come home with a lovely elf in tow, and you've gotten much more muscular than you were. I guess the 'wandering student of fighting arts' thing really paid off for you, eh?" Artemisia grinned at her daughter proudly.

This person in front of me was so different than what she had been built up to be in my mind. This was the dangerous queen of pirates? What?

"Now, let's not have this conversation here. This meeting room is too sterile, boring, and uncomfortable." She said, spinning on one foot and walking towards the wall.

She pressed something I didn't see, and a section of it opened, revealing a short hallway with a door at the end.

"Secret hallways?" I whispered to Eira.

"I mean, this is a pirate fortress; what were you expecting?" She shrugged.

"Lots of things really. Somehow, secret hallways and doors did not occur to me." I admitted.

"Come along, you two!" She said to us in a singsong voice.

Eira gave me a nod, and I did as I was told.

She opened the door and followed, Artemisia in, and the room she led us into was much more comfortable and felt more lived in than the guest room I had been in earlier.

It had softly colored décor, more pastels than I expected, with shelves full of little trinkets, baubles, and miscellaneous things that seemed to have no rhyme nor reason to them. There were paintings too, each one featuring one of her many children, and group pictures of her spouses.

The spouses were in various states of dress, but I decided to ignore that.

I checked for exits and the like, more out of habit than anything, and was glad that there was more than one door. Just in case. I doubt I would have to run, but better safe than sorry.

"Welcome to my private sitting room! Now we can talk, catch up, and all that. I promise I won't take too much of your time; I know you two are likely exhausted from all this weird cult business. Gods in the deeps, I know I am." She declared with an unceremonious flop on the sofa.

Eira and I sat on the sofa across from her. Eira was still tense, and that put me on edge a bit. What was Eira so nervous about?

"Do you two need something to drink? Water? Rum? Watered-down rum? Coconut juice?" She offered.

"No thank you, mother, we're fine. Alta has had enough rum for tonight." Eira answered for me. Note to self: Eira seems to have something specifically against rum.

"Ah, right, you were with Osian. Yeah, his rum is not for the weak-livered!" She laughed at Eira's expression.

Eira just glowered. "Can we please get on with this, mother? We're both extremely tired, and want to go back to bed, and try to get some sleep before whatever inevitable chaos you've got brewing kicks in."

"Right, right. Sorry, dear. I guess we'll get straight to brass tacks. I want to make absolutely sure that I understand what your goal is here, Eira." She sat up, pouring herself a glass of something strong enough that I could smell it.

She took a sip from it, made a satisfied sigh, and then turned her focus directly on the two of us.

"So, you have come back home to not only seek official permission for this, Alta was it, to court you with the blessing of your family, but also to be set free from said family? To be removed from all lines of succession, share of booty, and all rights, protections and responsibilities therein as part of being a member of the Medwin Family of Pirates. Do I have that correct?" Her tone was clinical with a hint of thinly veiled derision at the entire thing.

Eira stood her ground, took a breath, and nodded. "Yes. I do wish this."

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Artemisia sat there quietly for a long moment.

"Thank goodness." She said simply, before taking another drink.

Eira and I just sat there in stunned silence.

"Excuse me?" Eira said, clearly blindsided.

"I said what I said. My sweet child, even in your younger days I knew you weren't meant for this life. I wasn't going to deny you if you tried to stick with it, of course. As the queen of pirates, I'm supposed to WANT all my children in the family business. But I could tell it wasn't for you." She explained, leaning back.

"How do you mean?" Eira likewise leaned back into the sofa. I couldn't quite get myself to relax, but I tried, holding Eira's hand as I had a feeling this conversation was going in unknown directions.

Artemisia was quiet for a long time, swirling her drink in its tiny glass.

"You have too much of a sense of justice, Eira. Always have. You always seemed bothered by the fact that we are basically thieves with delusions of grandeur. And a boat. The boat is important. Also, you used to get so seasick when you were a wee thing." She chuckled.

"I'm better now! I didn't get seasick at all on the way here!" Eira said defensively.

"Rhys told me! He was so proud of his sister! But, back to it, you always had a fascination with stories from the mainland; your uncle's stories about dungeons always lit a sparkle in your eye, and as you got older, that sparkle never dimmed. When you figured out spellsong magic, and then you started learning the hand-to-hand fighting, and ignored the swordplay and the rigging work, and all of that, I had resigned myself to the fact that you were going to leave one day." The pirate queen sighed sadly.

"I love exploring the dungeons. I love Dungeon School, all its weirdness aside. I'm a damn good extractor too! So you don't have to worry about me, there." Eira said, trying to raise her mother's spirit.

"An extractor? Hard work there, so I'm here." She raised an approving eyebrow.

"She's good at it too. Saved me a few times." I chimed in.

"Speaking of, now let's talk about your relationship here. And you, Miss Alta." Artemisia turned her gaze towards me. She had a smile on her face that didn't quite reach her eyes. No, her eyes were much sharper, and almost accusatory.

"Yes, ma'am!" I said reflexively, sitting bolt upright under her stare.

"Let's review what I know about you. You have been going out with my daughter; you are the exiled daughter of the Marchesi house of Burgotova, though the exile seems to be self-imposed at the moment, as the current head of the house has removed the order. Your parents attempted an overthrow of the rightful rulers of Burgotova, and with the aid of the Knights of the Obsidian Gauntlet, planned to reinstate the system of slavery in the country, for undoubted nefarious purpose. How am I doing so far?" She asked pointedly.

"Very accurate, I must say." I swallowed nervously.

"Information is half the battle. The other half is unspeakable violence. Anyway, you've distinguished yourself with good academics at that Dungeon School, though you seem to have the oddest knack for getting into incidents. A duel with a knight of the Obsidian Gauntlet, that absolutely devastated the more gambling-minded of my colleagues. The entire Marchesi-Togalli Wedding Rebellion debacle, the incident with the Dryad invasion of Revenstahd, revealing a conspiracy with this Magister person, which then brings you here, and yet another bizarre incident seems to flare up coinciding with your arrival. Either trouble follows you, or you keep blindly following it. Anything to say in your defense?" She set her glass down and steepled her fingers as she stared me directly in the eye.

What in all the hells above and below was I supposed to say to all of that? She wasn't wrong, but I didn't much care for what she seemed to be implying. I was the victim here! I wasn't just going to be browbeaten like this.

I met her gaze, and steeled my nerves.

"I keep surviving. All my allies survive, and we've ended up all the richer for it. I regularly turn chaos into opportunity. That seems to hold true for dungeoneers and pirates alike. And most importantly of all, I am in love with your daughter. I want to keep her safe, but I refuse to keep her like a prize in some box to wither away. I want her to live as she wants, and I'll be by her side the whole way. I would be happy to live, grow old, and eventually turn into dust with her." I declared with my whole heart. I meant every single word of it.

"And what if I refused to bless your relationship? What would you do then?" She replied, her voice like cold iron.

I looked at this woman, this pirate queen, mother of my beloved Eira, and said the first thing that came into my mind.

"I'd do what I do to everyone else who tells me what I can and can't do. Tell you to drown yourself in a bucket of cold piss, and then I'd kick your arse till you couldn't sit on a cloud without wincing."

Eira blinked at me, a wave of panic playing across her face.

I likewise had no idea why I said that, and was tempted to slap myself for that.

Artemisia, however, slapped her knee and began laughing uproariously.

"Now that is the kind of spirit I can get behind! I like you, Alta. You're my kind of insane! Ha!" She guffawed before downing her drink in one swig.

"So, you approve? Of everything?" Eira asked, her panic surrendering to delight.

"Yes, I believe I do! The other three will likely need to do their own thing, and you'll have to get approval from all of them. And for the leaving the family thing, there is of course going to be the usual stuff. Ceremony, trial challenges, etc." She said offhandedly.

There was a lot to unpack there, but I wasn't going to ruin the mood with questions. I was too occupied with getting my heart to calm down.

"That said, we need to get this whole incident with the cultists, rebels, whatever, and then we can get this whole thing done so you two lovebirds can begin living your lives!" She declared, standing up and helping us to our feet.

She pulled Eira into a big embrace, and I heard her say, "Welcome home, my darling girl."

She then pulled me into an embrace as well, a very tight one.

"If you make my little girl cry, they'll be finding your body for months. Get it?

"Got it."

"Good."

She released me and was all smiles.

"Now! Go get some sleep! Busy, busy day for me, and you two should have as much fun as you can before the real party kicks off! Ooooh, the fireworks will be spectacular!" She chortled and opened the door for us.

We walked down the hallway in silence and found poor Nene, the harpy girl we had saved just earlier that same evening, fast asleep in a chair.

"We can't just leave her here. Bring her with us; she can crash on the sofa." Eira said.

"Are you sure?" I asked, as I carefully lifted the bird person.

"Yeah. You've got a softer heart than you admit, and I know you'd feel bad about abandoning her." Eira smiled softly at me, to which I blushed.

"What is it with you Medwin women, having me dead to rights this evening?" I shook my head with a smile and followed behind Eira as we finally put a close to a very annoyingly long day.