Chapter 472: Dreamlike

"I know what to do!" In his study, Roger Ebert looked at the agent sitting across from him. "My online column is already prepped. Tell them I'll keep covering this movie right up until the Oscars end next year."

"Let's leave it at that for now." The agent stood up. "I'll be going, Roger."

"Wait!"

Roger Ebert stopped him with a sharp reminder. "Don't let them short us a single cent!"

The agent nodded and turned toward the door. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly; he knew exactly how greedy his client was.

Watching his agent leave, Ebert dropped his gaze back to the computer screen. He uploaded his newly finished review to his online column.

"Return of the King: An Endless Disappointment!"

"First, it's a total snoozefest! I fell asleep watching The Fellowship of the Ring. I fell asleep during The Two Towers. And I fell asleep yet again during Return of the King. Duke Rosenberg might as well change careers and become a hypnotist. His Lord of the Rings Trilogy puts audiences to sleep far too easily. Anyone suffering from insomnia should definitely watch this franchise—it is absolutely the best cure."

"Second, it burns too much money! Judging by the recently announced production budgets, the trilogy—including the newly released Return of the King—cost nearly 400 million dollars in total. Throwing such massive funds at such a boring franchise is a sheer waste. If that money had been invested in independent films, how many classics like The Shawshank Redemption could have been made? Instead, Duke Rosenberg has tossed it all into the mud!"

"Third, the characterization is flawed. Yes, it's an adaptation, but do the characters really have to be this one-dimensional? Every character in the film is strictly good or strictly evil. Are there any hypocrites among the good guys? Any redeemed figures among the villains? Is the world really that simple? I think anyone with a shred of reason knows that the world Duke Rosenberg has built is so naive it's practically a joke."

"Fourth, it drags on for way too long. Action scenes are fine, but there's no need to drag them out like this. The endless, mindless fighting is just repulsive... Duke Rosenberg ought to watch films like Braveheart, which focus on the struggle for freedom. Who cares about all this fighting? Skirmishes that could have been glossed over in a single stroke just drag on forever. It's simply awful."

"Fifth, the dialogue is terrible. Even taking the entire trilogy into account, there isn't a single classic line worth chewing over or remembering. Any film that truly captures the heart always has a few unforgettable quotes, but there are none here. This is a problem with Director Duke Rosenberg himself—his movies have always been synonymous with superficiality."

"Sixth, the editing is a mess..."

Even though he hadn't finished the first film, hadn't seen a single frame of the second, and had only sat through half of the third, Roger Ebert still easily churned out a review full of vitriol and vicious attacks the moment he got home.

Whether he had actually seen the movies didn't matter. What mattered was that he had to attack the director and his work. Besides, there were plenty of past reviews where he hadn't bothered to watch the films carefully, either.

Roger Ebert certainly didn't lack followers these days. Almost immediately after the review was published, people began leaving comments below it.

Ebert couldn't help but take a look. He had fully expected to see a chorus of agreement, but after reading only a few sentences, his eye twitched.

"Mr. Ebert, I've always been a supporter of yours, but I disagree with your stance this time. Duke Rosenberg is absolutely not as terrible as you make him out to be. I just watched Return of the King, and I saw The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers over the past two years. While I'm not a big fantasy fan, I still have to acknowledge Duke Rosenberg's sheer talent."

"To shoot an epic like this, the director is undoubtedly a highly capable person. He directed all three films with incredible clarity, and most importantly, his grasp of detail is exquisite in every scene. Such a monumental project absolutely required a great mastermind at the helm. Duke Rosenberg is a powerhouse..."

Reading up to this point, Ebert couldn't take it anymore. With a twitch of his hand on the mouse, he deleted the comment.

But as he kept reading, Ebert realized that almost all the comments were speaking out against him. He proceeded to delete every single one that disagreed with his views.

The tiny minority of comments that agreed with him were naturally left untouched, but there were pitifully few of them.

"First movie: Felt like a real epic blockbuster, kind of interesting, pretty good I guess. But the ending dragged on a bit; by the time it finished, it was so long it made my head spin."

"Second movie: Mind-numbingly dull. Nonstop fighting—humans fighting humans, humans fighting Orcs—the battles just became obnoxious. There wasn't a single classic line of dialogue in between. I dozed off while watching and finally just walked out early."

"Third movie: The scale was grander and the monsters had more depth, but the result was even more boring. I honestly didn't have the energy to finish it. With about an hour left on the runtime, I just left the theater. I didn't want to torture myself anymore."

Ebert nodded. He still had his supporters, after all.

Afterward, he switched over to IMDB. The first thing he saw was Return of the King boasting an average rating of 9.7 from 5,266 users. Without a second thought, he closed the page and navigated to other sites. He made a point to log into the currently exploding Instant Sharing network to check the comments there.

The reviews were a mix of good and bad, and he clicked on one of them.

"What even is Return of the King? People are hyping it up so much, but it totally fails to live up to its name. Once again, I am incredibly disappointed in these brainless fanboys. The scenes are somewhat grand, sure, but no matter how grand, they can't compare to Starship Troopers. The visual effects aren't as good as Starship Troopers either. There are plenty of better-looking movies out there. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy simply doesn't deserve this kind of praise..."

Was this a mindless Starship Troopers fanboy? Ebert couldn't help but frown. He genuinely disliked The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, but for someone to compare it to Starship Troopers... what kind of IQ was that?

Sure enough, the replies below were a tidal wave of rebuttals.

"Starship Troopers is complete trash compared to The Lord of the Rings. If you don't know what you're talking about, shut your mouth, you cinematic illiterate. I don't mean Starship Troopers is inherently trash, but next to The Lord of the Rings, it's garbage."

"Please tell me you actually watched The Lord of the Rings. If the scoring scale went up to 100, I'd give The Lord of the Rings a 98, and Starship Troopers a 70 at best. The Lord of the Rings will forever be a classic in my heart."

"This review is cracking me up! I originally wanted to say something, but coming in here, I realize there's absolutely no need..."

Even though he forced himself to only pick out negative reviews online, the positive feedback was like a vast ocean. No matter how much Ebert didn't want to see it, plenty of it still caught his eye.

"Return of the King — A Dreamlike Miracle Achieved."

"As everyone knows, there has never been a perfect trilogy in the history of cinema. However, that history ends today. The final release of Return of the King has shattered the curse that franchises can never have a flawless conclusion, creating a miracle on a dreamlike scale."

"The film's three-hour runtime is so incredibly precious that audiences barely dare to blink, terrified of missing even a fraction of a second of the plot or imagery. Compared to other supposedly 'super-shocking' films, the beauty of Return of the King lies in the fact that it never numbs you. Instead, it makes your heart soar, making you feel genuinely happy to be alive today. Yes, that is the shock of 'beauty' at its highest level!"

Ebert desperately wanted to delete this review, but unfortunately, this was the Instant Sharing network. He had zero administrative privileges here.

In the short time he spent reading it, more and more users swarmed the page to view the review. Within just a few minutes, the number of likes on the comment surged past a thousand.

Others were also sharing their own thoughts.

"The scale of the two battles at Minas Tirith and Pelennor Fields is absolutely unprecedented, and Duke's ability to build suspense is just as unmatched. Passionate, climactic waves crash over the audience one after another, constantly pushing our emotions to the absolute peak of enjoyment."

"And the storyline following Frodo and Sam is unexpectedly brilliant. I originally thought it would be a relatively safe journey, a nice break to enjoy between the massive clashes of the human and Orc armies. The reality was the exact opposite—watching those incredibly epic war scenes definitely made my blood boil with excitement, and I thoroughly enjoyed them, but it was Frodo and Sam's journey that constantly kept my heartstrings taut."

"This is primarily because the film devotes enough time to showcasing their inner worlds. Their vulnerability and resilience, as well as their unshakeable loyalty to each other, give this fantasy epic the power to truly capture people's hearts."

Closing the window, Ebert returned to the Instant Sharing homepage. He discovered that this recently exploding social network had been almost completely taken over by posts sharing feelings about Return of the King. Clicking on practically any of them revealed overwhelmingly positive reviews.

"I've always believed that the opening of The Fellowship of the Ring set the stage for this franchise to have a dreamlike quality far beyond any other film. The vivid emerald greens, the tranquility, and the idyllic peace of Hobbiton form the most lifelike, yet dream-inducing setting I have ever seen."

"This established the visual aesthetic for the entire Lord of the Rings series—a dreamlike beauty. Actually, calling it 'beautiful' doesn't quite cut it. Truth be told, I've thought about it for a long time, and I still can't come up with a direct and fitting adjective to describe the visual signature of this franchise."

"After watching Return of the King, I feel that calling it 'spectacular' makes the word seem inadequate, calling it 'exquisite' makes it seem tacky, calling it 'grand' makes the word feel incredibly petty, and calling it 'dreamlike' makes it sound completely fake..."

"The visual effects of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy can truly be said to exceed the bounds of human imagination, setting an entirely new dreamlike standard for all future films. Sorry, I ended up using the word 'dreamlike' anyway. I couldn't help it; it's the only word that even slightly approaches the feeling in my heart."

After reading so many of them, he eventually calmed down. Sitting in his study until midnight, Roger Ebert suddenly realized another terrifying fact.