Chapter 465: Convincing Carmen

I helped Carmen wash the dishes in the quiet of the garden.

The night air had become colder since the sun went down. The Boardwalk beyond the damaged fence was mostly quiet now, though I could still hear distant voices from the night watch and the occasional scrape of someone moving supplies near the barricades.

Carmen had placed a torchlight on a shelf beside the back door.

Its weak yellow glow spread over the bucket of water, the dishes, and the small patch of garden that had survived the Screamer attack. The light flickered whenever the wind picked up.

Even though things were still awkward between Carmen and me, it felt better than before.

Not normal.

Not completely.

But better.

At least we were talking.

At least she had not shut me out.

I rinsed another bowl in the bucket, then looked toward the torchlight.

"I wonder how long these things will last," I said.

Carmen glanced up.

"The torchlights?"

"Yeah."

She gave a quiet chuckle.

"Hopefully as long as necessary."

Then her expression became more serious.

"Winter will be here before any of us realize it. We need to be ready."

I nodded.

Winter.

It was another problem waiting for us after Callighan.

Food would become harder to find. The gardens would not grow as well. Fishing would be more difficult. Scavenging runs would become colder, more dangerous, and less rewarding. The Boardwalk would need blankets, warm clothes, wood, fuel, medicine, and enough supplies to survive weeks of bad weather.

People were already trying to prepare.

Margaret was working on expanding gardens while there was still time. Marlon was reinforcing the defenses. Others were gathering food, water, tools, and anything that could help once the temperature dropped.

But there was only so much anyone could do.

"At least we might not be completely helpless with electricity," I said.

Carmen looked toward me.

"Electricity?"

"One of our people is working on it," I replied. "He’s using Starakian technology. He’s making good progress."

Carmen’s eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

The thought made me smile a little.

"He’s kind of amazing when he wants to be."

Carmen looked surprised, but hopeful too.

"Getting electricity back would change so much."

"It would."

Even limited power could make a difference. Lights. Heating. Charging radios. Refrigeration. Medical equipment. A way to keep the Boardwalk from going completely dark when winter came.

"And we’ll find a way to provide the same for this place eventually," I continued. "Once Zakthar wakes up, he’ll have no choice but to cooperate."

My voice became colder at the end.

Zakthar had helped rebuild the Screamer.

Maybe he had been pressured. Maybe Callighan had threatened him. Maybe he had believed he had no other choice.

But people still died because of it.

The Boardwalk had still been overrun.

Carmen and Shannon had still been trapped inside this house while Infected clawed at their bedroom door.

I did not care what excuse Zakthar had.

Not anymore.

Carmen noticed the shift in my expression but did not comment on it.

"If we really get electricity back," she said quietly, "that would already be a huge step."

"Definitely."

We finished the remaining dishes soon after.

Carmen dried the last bowl with a towel while I emptied some of the dirty water away from the garden. Then we headed back toward the house.

Carmen stepped through the back doorway first.

But the moment she crossed the threshold, her body suddenly swayed.

The torchlight slipped from her grip.

I reacted without thinking.

I caught the lamp with one hand before it hit the ground, then reached out with the other and caught Carmen by the arm.

She stumbled forward slightly, her free hand pressing against the wall to steady herself.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

Carmen took a breath.

"Oh. Yes."

She forced a small smile.

"Thanks."

But I knew that smile.

It was the same kind people used when they did not want anyone to worry.

Carmen tried to straighten herself and step away, but she moved too carefully. There was tension in her shoulders. Her face had gone pale beneath the warm light of the torch.

"You’ve been feeling discomfort," I said.

Carmen’s expression tightened.

"Ryan—"

"Stomach pain. Headaches. Maybe dizziness too."

She did not answer.

That was answer enough.

Dullahan was reacting inside her.

The symptoms were not severe yet. But I knew what they meant. I had seen it with enough women already. When someone was cured, a trace of Dullahan remained within them. It destroyed the Infection Virus, but their body needed time, and stabilization, to adapt to something it was never meant to contain.

Carmen looked away.

"It’s only a little," she said.

"That doesn’t mean it isn’t serious."

"I’m fine."

"Carmen."

She tried to move farther into the house, but I kept hold of her arm for another second.

Not tightly.

Just enough to stop her from walking away from the conversation again.

Then I saw the discomfort in her eyes.

The fear.

And I remembered what I had told her earlier.

Nothing happens unless you actually want it to happen and feel okay with it.

"They are the first symptoms of a Symbiote taking over and signal that you need to be stabilized," I said.

Carmen flinched at my words.

"I...I am fine, Ryan..."

Carmen looked at me.

"What’s going to change to push the inevitable, Carmen?" I asked her seriously.

The silence between us became heavy.

Carmen’s hands folded together in front of her.

"Didn’t you tell me I didn’t have to think about it tonight?" she asked.

"I did," I said. "But right now you need it. How long has it been like this?"

Carmen did not answer.

I already knew enough.

The stronger I became, the more in sync I was with Dullahan, the stronger the effects were on the people I had cured. I had noticed it right after Maribel.

Dullahan was getting stronger.

It was not surprising that two days after I cured Carmen, she was already showing symptoms.

That only worried me more.

Before, I would not have dared to push her like this. I would have told her to take her time. I would have waited until she was ready.

But time...

I might not have it anymore.

After Gaspar, after Ravager, after Ivy’s warning, delaying something this important felt stupid.

Dangerously stupid.

"Eventually you’ll come around," I said. "I know that. Because you care about Shannon. But holding back the pain and letting your body get worse, what’s the point of that?"

Carmen’s eyes stayed on me.

"You said you didn’t hate me, right?"

"R-Ryan... what are you saying..."

Her voice became firmer.

Sterner.

"You don’t expect us to just... do it here, right?"

I looked at her.

Then I looked around the darkened kitchen, the boarded windows, the quiet house.

"It’ll be fast," I said.

Carmen’s face changed immediately.

That confirmed it for her and her expression turned even sterner.

"Shannon is sleeping just upstairs," she said. "You cannot be thinking—"

"We’ll be silent," I replied. "We can do it here. It’ll be quick."

"Ryan!"

The word came out sharp.

For a second, neither of us moved.

Carmen’s breathing had become uneven. Her cheeks were flushed, though I could not tell how much of it was anger, embarrassment, or the symptoms already running through her body.

Then she forced herself to calm down.

Her voice dropped.

"Please... don’t."

She looked away from me.

"Let me just think about it a bit more..."

I looked at her for a moment.

Then I shook my head.

"I don’t think this is about time," I said.

Carmen’s eyes lifted toward me.

"You already made up your mind," I continued. "And I will never believe you would give up Shannon."

That much was obvious.

Carmen would endure almost anything before she let her daughter lose her mother. She had proven that during the Screamer attack. She had hidden a bite. She had still tried to protect Shannon. She had still asked me to get her daughter out even when she thought she was already doomed.

This was not indecision.

This was shame.

Fear.

The kind of guilt that made someone delay something they already knew they would have to do.

"You don’t need to feel ashamed about what happened," I said.

Carmen looked away at once.

Her shoulders tensed.

I already knew what was bothering her.

"Is it the age difference?" I asked.

She did not answer.

"I don’t think that matters right now," I said. "Your life is in danger. I’m perfectly aware of myself. I’m aware of my powers, and I’m aware of what I’m doing when I use them—"

"Ryan..."

Carmen’s voice trembled.

"I know. I know you’re good. But after we did it..."

She bit her lip.

"I felt desire for you. And it didn’t make me feel good at all."

I went silent.

Carmen lowered her gaze even more, as if looking at me would make the words worse. Her cheeks were already flushed. She looked ashamed of having said it out loud.

It must have been hard for her to admit that.

I understood why.

Carmen was not like Maribel. She was not like Cindy or Rachel. She was Shannon’s mother. She had lost a son close to my age. In her mind, wanting me after that night probably felt like crossing a line she had never wanted to cross.

But hearing her say it did not make me feel anything bad.

If anything, it made something in my chest tighten for a completely different reason.

"I also felt desire for you," I said.

Carmen’s head snapped up.

"Way before we had sex."

Her eyes widened.

"As stupid and embarrassing as it may be," I continued, "I get attracted easily to women who treat me well. Women I grow close to. And you’re clearly one of them."

I reached toward her face.

"R...Ryan..."

She tried to turn her head away.

I still touched her cheek.

Her skin was warm.

Warmer than it should have been.

Another sign that Dullahan’s energy inside her was already acting up.

"Just listen," I said.

Carmen froze.

"Since you confessed," I went on, "I can confess too. I’ve felt desire toward you for quite a while now."

Her breath caught.

"And at Shannon’s birthday, when I saw you in that dress...I felt lust toward you."

Carmen’s cheeks turned red immediately.

"Ry...Ryan—"

"And when we had sex," I said, my voice lower now, "even though it was supposed to be an act to cure you, I made love to you while thinking of my own pleasure more than curing you."

Carmen stared at me.

I did not look away.

"I felt overwhelmed by the feeling of finally taking you. For a moment, I was even thankful I had that kind of power."

Her eyes widened further.

The torchlight flickered between us.

"You see?" I said, smiling a little. "That’s the kind of man I am. Compared to me, you have nothing to feel ashamed of, Carmen."

I slowly leaned in.

Carmen shivered.

She tried to look away, but I kissed her anyway.

Her lips were warm and soft.

For a second, she did not move.

Then her hands came up against my chest and pushed.

Not hard enough to throw me back.

Hard enough to stop me.

I pulled away just enough to see her face.

Carmen’s breathing had become uneven. Her blue eyes were shining under the weak light, and she could no longer hide the conflict in them.

"I... if I give in right now," she whispered, lowering her gaze, "I don’t think I can. Or that I would be able to stop it."

I understood what she meant.

It was not only the act.

It was the feeling.

If she gave in tonight, she would not be able to tell herself it was only stabilization. She would not be able to pretend it was just survival, just a necessary procedure, just something she had to endure for Shannon.

She wanted time so she could bury it.

So she could sleep with me later while thinking of it as nothing more than keeping Dullahan’s energy from killing her.

Two days was still too soon.

The memory of that night was still too fresh.

Her feelings were still too tangled.

I looked at her.

At the way she was holding herself back.

At the way her hands were still resting against my chest, not pushing anymore, but not pulling me closer either.

"Don’t try to stop them," I said.

Carmen’s eyes lifted to mine.

Runis had told me something similar once.

Accept what I truly was.

Accept my real feelings and emotions instead of holding them back.

That was supposed to help me synchronize better with Dullahan.

But that was not why I was saying this now.

I was not pushing Carmen to let go because of Dullahan.

I was doing it for myself.

And for her.

Because pretending this was only a cure had already started hurting both of us.

Carmen looked into my gray eyes for a long moment.

The house was quiet.

Shannon was asleep upstairs.

The Boardwalk outside was still rebuilding itself in the dark.

Then Carmen whispered.

"There... is a guest room just behind the storage room."