Chapter 227: Touch

"The building you burned down was a really heavy blow. Whoever this Benefactor is, he’s lying low for now, and my best guess is he’s gonna slip sooner or later," Dante explained.

Seems like Ares king didn’t just use me to get rid of Julius’ men. He actually helped me set this in motion. I don’t get that man, and I don’t want to.

However, I had a feeling we were gonna see more of each other in the near future.

His wife, Catherine, had sent flowers to Anastasia every day. She couldn’t travel because of the pregnancy, but I knew if she had her way, she would get on the next plane and be here.

Funny, I never considered having any kind of relationship with the Kings.

"Brother."

I lifted my gaze to Dante, and judging by the expression he had on, he must have been calling me for a while.

"Anything else?" I asked, suddenly irritated.

I’ve been feeling that way lately. Usually there was a drink in my hand, but this time, when I curled my fingers, there was nothing there.

Drowning myself in whiskey wasn’t doing its damn job anymore.

"No," Dante replied.

"Then leave." I turned my attention to my laptop, even though it was doom-scrolling a document I had been reviewing since—I don’t even fucking remember.

If it weren’t for Dante, the company would be in freefall right now. He was the one who got more of his shit together than I did.

I pinned him with a look when he had yet to leave.

"It’s about Elliot," he stated.

"What about him?"

"Luca and I haven’t seen him for a while, and we’re worried."

"He’s taking a sabbatical."

"Are you sure that’s what it is?" He cleared his throat. "I heard you two that day."

"You were eavesdropping."

He shrugged. "That’s beside the point, right? You two had a lot of offloading to do. It felt like pent-up feelings, mostly from Elliot’s side."

I recalled that day, especially when he declared he loved Anastasia. I don’t wanna dwell on that because the moment I do, I’d be down to three brothers, and I’m not in the mood to lose anyone else.

Somehow, deep down I had known he did have feelings for Anastasia. Perhaps I had been lenient not to acknowledge it.

"He’ll come around..." I say that, but I haven’t seen much of him, not at home or the company either.

Guess he was fucking serious when he mentioned he won’t be a part of this war. But there wasn’t a war anymore, which meant it was deeper than that.

"Yeah, I hope he does," Dante said with a small smile. "It’s odd seeing Elliot as the one going off like a cannonball. You’re usually the one who does."

I glared at him.

"Ahem! By the way, Luca and I are gonna visit Anastasia. Wanna come with?"

When I didn’t reply for a while, he left. I forced myself to stay focused, but I couldn’t last two seconds. I was more than relieved when I heard a knock and the door opened.

Caleb wheeled in.

"I’ll take your visit as a random occurrence," I stated

He rested his hand on his lap. "You look..."

I locked eyes with him, but he finished the thought anyway.

"...like hell."

I scoffed, leaning back on my seat. "Is that so? Here I was expecting a good compliment for a change."

"I haven’t seen much of you lately, and when I do, I see the last thing I never thought I could."

"Which is?" I indulged him because Caleb has rarely approached me or talked lightly.

"What I see right now." He pulled his gaze from me, looking out the window briefly. "How’s Anastasia? I haven’t..." He paused but then continued anyway. "I haven’t had the courage to go see her. I don’t think I can bear to see her like that... I prefer to keep the image of her walking around, with that frown like she wants to bring down the whole house with it." He smiled at the memory.

Yet I stomached it every single day. That hospital room was practically where I lived. I was basically torturing myself more, which is why, when Dante asked me to come, I didn’t answer.

I haven’t been at that hospital for over a week. Ever since Dr. Keller suggested that I talk to her.

"Doctors don’t know when she’ll wake."

Caleb took in my words, his eyes holding so many emotions before he nodded. He didn’t speak for a while, and neither did I. It was just thick silence that let us grasp the gravity of the situation.

"Was it like this?" he asked out of the blue. "Were you like this when the doctors told you that I’d never walk again?"

"You can’t ask me that question, Caleb."

"Why?"

"Because..." My jaw clenched. "It’s not something I can put in words."

"I see." He gripped the wheels of his chair. "I never blamed you, you know. I blamed myself for chasing something I couldn’t handle. I guess in some way I thought racing cars were gonna get your attention. You were too busy keeping the family legacy that you never had time to..."

I blinked, knowing what he was gonna say. My relationship with Caleb wasn’t like my other brothers. I could adjust with Elliot and the twins, but with Caleb it has been difficult, and sometimes I don’t think we could ever be more than we are.

He was my one brother who needed love, who needed a parent. But I wasn’t those things to him. I could never fill in the space that our parents left behind.

"For the record..." He switched at the last minute as he redirected his wheelchair. "Sitting behind that desk and staring into space doesn’t suit you. You know where you wanna be."

He left. And again, I stared blankly before I finally realized what he meant.

It seems like everyone around me was indirectly telling me to man up.

~☆~

I didn’t wanna be here again. That was the first thought that crossed my mind when I found myself in the private ICU suite, the occasional rhythmic beeping of the monitors filling the room.

The only thing that had changed since the last time I’ve been here was her hospital pajama set, and there wasn’t much more to go on except rip my fucking heart over again.

My legs dragged me to the bed, but this time I didn’t hesitate. I made it to the bed, gently sitting beside her. Everything spun for a while. I ended up succumbing to the seductive call of alcohol.

I wasn’t gonna do this while sane.

I slipped my hand around hers. They were cold against mine and still. I felt that goddamn tug in my chest again, and I wasn’t sure I was breathing until I spoke.

"I’ve been in this room for a long time. I practically live here now..." I said, amused. "But I have never actually been here, have I, kitten?"

"I’ve been sitting on that fucking sofa, and I never got the courage to walk to you. Imagine that, I... Zayden Salvero didn’t have the guts to come to you."

A breathy chuckle slipped from my lips, but it was just as lifeless as the rest of me.

"You wanna know why it was hard?" I kissed her palm. "Because my failures stare back at me. I failed you."

My smile faded away as I really looked at her. Her hair had been cut short to make it easier to maintain, the ends now brushing against her neck.

Her complexion had lost some of its usual warmth, leaving her looking pale and fragile against the white sheets.

"You can’t keep doing this to me, baby," I whispered, my voice breaking despite my attempt to keep it together. "If you wanna punish me, then punish me. Yell at me. Curse me for keeping the truth about your sister from you. Hate me as much as you fucking want."

I tightened my grip on her hand, my throat burning like it was on fire, and every gulp spread the heat to my lungs.

"I can take your anger. Your hatred. Hell, I deserve it. But this..." I shook slightly. "This silence, it’s fucking killing me. I can’t take it."

I lowered my head, pressing her hand against my lips.

"So please, baby. If you’re gonna punish me, then do that. Just... D-Don’t leave me alone. Do you hear me?"

Nothing.

I gently set her hand back on the bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to let go just yet. Now that I’d touched her, the thought of leaving her hand behind felt like it would destroy whatever was left of me.

A faint twitch moved through my hand. My head snapped up, but her hand remained still.

Confusion flickered through me before I lifted my eyes to her face... and froze.

Anastasia’s eyes were open, and she was staring right at me.

I told myself the alcohol had finally done its job, and I was seeing things, but I felt a weak squeeze, as though it was her way of reassuring me that I wasn’t losing my fucking mind.