Chapter 84

“I still do not think I would blow up the bridge.”

At the conclusion I had reached after careful consideration, Cha Si-eon also asked back seriously.

“Why are you bringing that up now?”

“You asked me, Team Leader.”

“That was 40 hours ago.”

“You told me to say it if I had something to say.”

“When did I?”

“10 hours ago.”

“So I am asking why your timing is like that…….”

Cha Si-eon muttered as if dumbfounded.

Then he openly looked annoyed and turned over.

“I am going to sleep, so stop saying useless things.”

Was it because we had survived life and death together on 「Island Where Blood Falls」?

Cha Si-eon’s courtesy had decreased drastically.

By that, his iron wall had become even sturdier, but it was fine.

“You should, because you cannot collapse again, Team Leader.”

“…….”

“If he collapses, he will curse me again.”

“…….”

“Where did I put my notebook…….”

“Do it.”

“Do what?”

“If you have something to say, say it quickly and be done.”

Yes, it was truly fine.

Because I had already found the dog hole in that iron wall. Mm.

From the bed across from me, Cha Si-eon glared at me ominously.

Even in the dark, that gleam in his eyes was savage.

Trying not to enjoy this situation too much, I began again.

“If I received an order to cut the bridge, I would hold out for the time being and try to evacuate the people.”

“You would be executed by firing squad.”

“Even so.”

“……You would.”

“No, do not sigh. Think about it. Given that you received an order on that bridge that day, whatever you did would have been hell. On top of that, all of it would be preserved in the record.”

“…….”

“If so, it is better to leave behind a plausible story. After all, a person barely lives 100 years, but a story lasts thousands.”

“Is that the average mindset of the publishing industry?”

“Yes.”

“Do not lie…….”

Sharp bastard.

My fabrication had been caught, but I played dumb and continued.

“And they said the bridge had to be cut off urgently because the enemies were coming down, but in truth, the correct answer would have been to wait longer and blow it up when the enemies were crossing the bridge. Or cut the formation in half when they had crossed about halfway.”

If they had done that, it should have been possible to inflict a heavy blow on the enemy.

“So if you consider everything, holding out is the best option. That way, the people can evacuate, the enemy can be hit, and the narrative is excellent. If you are lucky enough to receive leniency, it is perfect.”

At my hopeful plan, Cha Si-eon sighed.

“There is no way that is as easy as it sounds, and the problem begins with arbitrarily filtering orders.”

“I would also follow orders under normal circumstances. But this is a special situation where the cause and effect are too clear, is it not?”

“That attitude of making exceptions like that is precisely…….”

“Which is more important, protecting your own citizens or following orders?”

“Of course protecting one’s own citizens is most important. However, because the latter is the means for the former, the two cannot be separated.”

“Strictly speaking, they are not ‘unable to be separated.’ It only ‘feels like they cannot be separated.’ That is not how it actually is. It is simply Team Leader’s feeling.”

Cha Si-eon looked at me.

Even in the dark, I could see his eyes saying, That is another sophism.

So I began an even bigger and more splendid sophism.

“As another example, let us say some test-taker says, ‘I absolutely have to get into that university.’ But is that truly an absolute and unchanging truth? No, that is just a feeling too. They are simply feeling very strongly that ‘if I cannot get into that university, I feel like I will die.’”

Some might argue like this.

If you fail college admissions, your life really is ruined, though?

Your parents will not even treat you like a human, though?

No, that is not true. That is precisely a feeling.

“Of course, it is better for anything to go well. But it is not as if one must be unhappy for the rest of one’s life just because college admissions went poorly, and it is not as if one will definitely live happily and well just because one graduated from a good university.”

If one had endured with that belief, one would instead be likely to agonize over the question, “Why am I not happy when I struggled so hard and even graduated from a good university?”

And even if one’s parents did not treat one as a person, one’s qualification as a person would not truly be revoked.

Whether they were disappointed, disheartened, or contemptuous, you would still be you.

Simply you, who feels like you want to die under the cold gaze of your guardians, who wants to regain the expectations from before, who feels like only then can you live.

“So reality and feelings should be distinguished. ‘I have to follow the order to blow it up’ and ‘I feel like I have to follow the order to blow it up’ are entirely different.”

“Do not speak lightly. Do you think those soldiers back then blew up the bridge merely because of a feeling?”

Cha Si-eon warned me in a displeased voice.

It seemed he felt I was mocking soldiers who had obeyed orders.

“I am not speaking lightly. Team Leader, you are the one who should not take feelings lightly. No matter how much humans pretend to be rational and reasonable, in the end, they are beings who live by feeling.”

But I did not bend my claim either.

“If that were not the case, why would people in the world split evenly in half and fight forever? It is not because they lack logic, but because of feeling. No matter what the other person says, my feeling is not that anyway.”

“So are you saying that is a good thing?”

“I do not know whether it is right or wrong. I am saying that, in any case, the human world runs on feeling.”

“There are people who follow principles over feelings.”

“Do you think only crying, laughing, and getting angry are feelings? The state of mind that prioritizes a group’s promises over one’s one-dimensional emotions is also a feeling.”

“…….”

“The things that make people follow principles are responsibility, duty, mission, justice, and so on. They are all emotions and feelings. Are they not?”

“So what are you trying to say?”

“Let us simply acknowledge it. Everything humans do is feeling.”

“And if we acknowledge that?”

“It will let you breathe a little.”

“……?”

“If what is embedded in your head is not the rule that ‘orders are absolute,’ but the awareness that ‘I regard orders as absolute,’ then it becomes at least a little more manageable.”

I was not trying to say that since everything was only feeling anyway, one should simply live according to feeling.

Even less was I saying that we should let ourselves be freely swept around by emotion.

What I wanted to say was that everyone was already doing that.

The reality that looked solid might actually be an insignificant illusion.

And that illusion might have hardened because I was gripping it tightly with force.

So we should at least know.

That if you release a little strength, an unexpected path can sometimes appear.

Well, I did wonder whether my loose words would get through to this by-the-book man.

Still, I meddled once, following my editor’s instinct.

Whether he stayed with the Bureau or went to Apophis, I wanted him to take one breath before deciding.

And if he was being driven by something, I wanted him to clear his head a little.

……But why has this bastard been so quiet for a while now?

I turned my gaze, which had been on the dark ceiling, toward Cha Si-eon.

“Are you done talking?”

Cha Si-eon asked almost at the same time.

“Yes, I am done.”

At my answer, Cha Si-eon turned over toward the wall.

Then he said nothing more.

---

The next day, I was discharged first.

And the day after that, a joint funeral ceremony was held.

All employees solemnly mourned the deaths of those who had fallen in the line of duty.

In the previous operation, 7 Field Division agents died, and 4 suffered injuries severe enough that they could not return.

And 2 submitted their intention to resign.

Increasing personnel was necessary, but how the higher-ups would respond was unknown.

In the midst of this, the atmosphere was increasingly treating Cha Si-eon’s job change as a done deal.

Of course, Cha Si-eon himself was not going around talking about it.

However, the Bureau had many eyes and ears, and the Field Division was always a department that drew attention.

On top of that, most employees also knew.

That the upper leadership’s attitude toward Cha Si-eon this time had been awful.

And that if trust had cracked, parting ways entirely was cleaner.

Even Apophis’s scouting offer had been made with Kwon Mu-seop’s tacit approval.

Cha Si-eon’s ouster and job change were also Kwon Mu-seop’s will, and it was common knowledge that Cha Si-eon obeyed Kwon Mu-seop.

Yes, in my opinion too, Cha Si-eon seemed likely to move to Apophis.

Even if that happened, there was no way Cha Si-eon would come to me in advance and announce our parting.

So I decided to wait for the organizational restructuring plan that would soon be announced.

If Cha Si-eon left the Bureau, my new case officer would be announced then too.

A few days later, the organizational restructuring plan was announced.

But then, huh?

---

I looked at Cha Si-eon, who had returned to work, with strange eyes.

“Why are you here, Team Leader?”

At my question, Cha Si-eon also looked at me as if asking what nonsense I was saying.

So I asked again in a more precise sentence.

“Did you decide not to change jobs?”

“I never said I was changing jobs.”

“Does the Manager not say anything?”

“…….”

When I mentioned Kwon Mu-seop, Cha Si-eon’s gaze shook for a moment.

It was then.

“I am back!”

Just in time, Jae-gyeom entered the conference hall.

He had a bright, beaming face, and in one hand, he was holding a takeout drink.

He looked, to anyone’s eyes, like he had been playing outside and had just come in.

“Team Leader, thank you for the meal.”

Kwak Jae-gyeom bowed to Cha Si-eon, then took a credit card and receipt from his pocket and held them out.

Cha Si-eon accepted both, took only the card, and roughly crumpled the receipt before throwing it into the trash can.

“Ha-ma asked me to tell you thank you too. Here is the proof shot!”

At Kwak Jae-gyeom’s excited voice, Cha Si-eon only nodded once.

It seemed Cha Si-eon had sent Jae-gyeom to buy food for Yu-ju.

So he was Kongjwi repaying a favor.

But.

“Team Leader, what about me?”

“……?”

“Are you not buying me anything?”

Cha Si-eon looked at me as if he had heard something utterly strange.

He was not simply glaring at me. He looked as if he was genuinely wondering where I had sold off my conscience.

No, Ha Yu-ju had bought those snacks, but I was the one who did the shuttle duty.

Then I had the right to be treated too.

But Cha Si-eon’s thoughts seemed completely different, because he recited coldly,

“You should be the one buying, if anything…….”

“Why should I buy?”

“Are you truly asking because you do not know?”

“It is not like I ordered you to roll around alone, Team Leader.”

“I will return those words exactly as they are.”

“Wow, repaying grace with enmity again.”

I complained in vain, and Cha Si-eon snorted as if it was absurd.

Watching that, Kwak Jae-gyeom muttered idly.

“You two have become rather close.”

“There is no way.”

“Quiet.”

My denial and Cha Si-eon’s suppression crossed each other.

But Cha Si-eon heard my words and looked at me again.

As if slightly dumbfounded.

Why, what is the problem now?

Just then, a group of people entered the conference hall.

It was Kwon Mu-seop, Yoon U-jeong, and researchers from the Research Support Division.

Kwon Mu-seop glanced this way.

Judging by how the gaze that swept over Cha Si-eon was no different from usual, the two sides fortunately seemed to have reached an amicable agreement.

“If everyone is ready, let us begin immediately.”

At Kwon Mu-seop’s words as he sat down, Cha Si-eon went to the platform and stood.

Then, as if it were naturally his duty, he began the briefing.

“I will report the exploration results.”