Chapter 55

“They took their own lives.”

“All 82 of them?”

“Among them, there were a few who had accidents.”

“By accidents…….”

“Just ordinary accidents. Traffic accidents, fall accidents, things like that.”

Did he mean merely unexpected accidents?

“But after coming out of a Special Zone, they developed insomnia or alcohol dependence, so we can’t exactly say those accidents had nothing to do with the Special Zones.”

Heo Gu-yeong’s voice was neither grief-stricken nor cold-hearted.

It was simply calm, and that made it all the more bitter.

“So coming out alive isn’t everything. Even if the body is intact, if the mind is badly damaged, a person eventually dies.”

I felt as if I understood what he meant.

When I escaped the 「Railway Station」 and returned home, I had often broken out in cold sweat too.

There were also several times when I startled and checked where I was.

A red fire extinguisher I had not even known existed before had stood out strangely, and disgust had surged up in me.

My body was at home, but inside, I was still wandering the 「Railway Station」.

“People who helplessly watch horrific deaths, or who have fought in a vicious scramble to survive, have a hard time returning to their old lives. Because they’ve learned that the world isn’t safe.”

Heo Gu-yeong, who had murmured darkly, looked at me.

Then he changed the mood again and smiled brightly.

“In that sense, the citizens you rescued, Agent, have truly good prognoses. What matters more than the situation is the experience, and in any case, those people had a positive experience.”

“A positive experience?”

“The experience that even in a crazy space like that, people still help each other. An experience like that can give people a sense of solidarity, trust, belonging, stability, efficacy, and so on.”

“I see.”

“Ah, this is truly important. Without this kind of belief, people can’t live properly. Even if they’re in a safe place, even if they have a lot and are impressive, they struggle because they wonder why they live and feel disillusioned.”

Heo Gu-yeong spoke seriously about the way humans live.

Come to think of it, the Aftercare Team was said to be made up of counseling and psychology professionals.

I could certainly feel that side of him.

“So I think the citizens you rescued will continue to do well, Agent. From our position handling aftercare, there is nothing we are more grateful for. We’re people too, so when someone we were responsible for ends up badly, it hurts.”

“……So that is why you joined S.O.C.H. as a group?”

“I wanted to say that our reason for joining was this wholesome…….”

Heo Gu-yeong appealed subtly with his face specialized for meeting the parents, and in the end, I laughed.

As expected of a psychological counseling expert.

To think he had even seen through my anguish over S.O.C.H.

This person, like Kwak Jae-gyeom, was not someone I should let my guard down around just because he had a smiling face.

As I continued writing my name on the otters, Heo Gu-yeong opened his mouth again.

For some reason, his tone had grown careful.

“On the other hand, I did wonder a little.”

“……?”

“It was before you came in, Agent, but you still know, right? That the Field Division people were really sensitive.”

Again, I was hearing this for the first time.

There was one psychopath in the Field Division, but the people other than him looked mostly normal.

When my face said I did not know, Heo Gu-yeong spoke as if he was rather surprised.

“Before you came, Agent, the Field Division people were really scary. They looked like they’d explode the moment anyone touched them, to the point that I could barely even talk to them properly.”

“They were?”

“Yes, really. Of course, I understand. They have to keep seeing terrible things, their responsibility is heavy, and they even have to put their lives on the line every time they’re deployed in the field, so of course they become sensitive. But that atmosphere also really improved after you came, Agent.”

Me?

“You know, when something terrible happens, it’s comforting if someone who has it worse is beside you.”

Aha, in that way…….

“On top of that, even in that state, you mysteriously keep handling things well, Agent, so the Field Division people are also having a new experience right now. I think this is also a positive dynamic, but hmm……. To be honest, I don’t know how this is possible.”

Heo Gu-yeong stopped speaking and watched my mood for a moment.

Then, as if telling a secret, he lowered his voice and asked,

“Agent, are you really all right?”

“No, it is quite burdensome.”

“No, I don’t mean S.O.C.H…….”

At my immediate answer, Heo Gu-yeong sighed and continued.

“So what I mean is, mm, the Field Division people, especially the Response Team and Exploration Team people, are truly strong people. Their selection standards are high, and they train a lot.”

That is true. Nod—!

“But even those steel-like people struggle after putting their lives on the line and carrying out missions in Special Zones. Well, that’s only natural.”

It is natural. Nod—!

“You’ve also kept running through Special Zones with your life on the line, Agent, right?”

I did run. Nod—!

“But why do you seem strangely consistent, Agent?”

I was about to nod mechanically, then tilted my head to the side.

“I am suffering plenty too.”

“No, no. I don’t mean that you aren’t struggling. I mean you don’t get swept away there.”

Swept away?

“Other people get swept away by that flood, or exhaust themselves swimming through it, but you don’t seem to. At a glance, you seem to be shaken along with it too, but when I look again, should I say you’re standing silently in the same place? So, like a deep-rooted tree standing alone.”

Is that so?

I stopped my hand and chewed over this psychology expert’s words for a while.

But, well.

I thought I was enduring while wildly stumbling around in every direction.

“I struggle too.”

“Of course. But the situation you’re in, Agent, isn’t one that can pass with ‘struggling.’”

“Then what kind of situation is it?”

“Rather than something you have to do, ordinarily, people change. When people cross the line between life and death, they change in some way. But you seem to maintain who you are without any major change, Agent. Am I wrong?”

Change?

I was proud that I had gained a little more muscle than before, but this was probably not what a psychology expert would be curious about, so exclude that.

My job, life, and salary had also changed, but those were external things.

Other changes, mm…….

Even as I felt it myself, there did not seem to be much else.

When I nodded again, Heo Gu-yeong nodded back as if he knew this would be the case.

“Right? That is what I meant by it not being ordinary. So while looking at you, Agent, I had all kinds of thoughts.”

“All kinds of thoughts?”

“Yes. Are you really okay? You are continuing to see Director Kim U-in, so it must be true that you are okay, but how are you that intact? Are you unexpectedly an incredible psychopath, so you have no fear at all…….”

“……Am I that strange?”

Being treated as a strange person in earnest.

This was the second time after Baek Sa-ra.

At this point, perhaps I should seriously suspect my own strangeness……?

“Mm, no. Rather than strange, it’s that you’re deep. This is certainly not ordinary either, but…….”

Fortunately, Heo Gu-yeong shook his head at my strangeness.

Instead, after thinking deeply about something, he carefully began.

“Do you perhaps already have one?”

“What?”

“An experience of collapsing all the way to the bottom.”

“…….”

I ended up losing my words.

Instead, I was made to remember again.

The performance I had seen in the 「National Theater」.

Having been hit quite squarely, I chose my words and answered.

“As you live, there are dark periods.”

Perhaps recognizing something from my answer, Heo Gu-yeong smiled brightly.

“That’s a relief. Since you have already passed through it.”

Passed through?

“You worked hard. I’ll continue cheering for you going forward.”

Heo Gu-yeong’s words were ambiguous, as if I understood them and did not.

But I did not bother asking back and simply nodded.

---

I finished signing even the last otter.

“Wow, thank you so much.”

Heo Gu-yeong packed up the glass otters with a broad smile.

Ding—

At that moment, an alarm rang from Heo Gu-yeong’s tablet.

“It says Rescued Person No. 84 has boarded the return-home vehicle too.”

How unusually smooth.

I was thinking this when I recalled an old matter and asked Heo Gu-yeong,

“By any chance, did you give Mr. Choi Sang-eun sleeping pills too?”

“Pardon? No, of course not! We just block his sight and move him by official vehicle.”

“Then why was I…….”

“Ah, right. Agent, you went home asleep back then…….”

“……Don’t tell me, was I the only one drugged and knocked out?”

At my question, Heo Gu-yeong’s expression grew awkward.

Then, as if unable to withstand my gaze, he nodded slightly.

Seriously? You don’t do that to everyone?

Then why to me? What did I even do?

I was cooperative. I did argue a little, but compared to Choi Sang-eun, who held out for 5 days, I was incredibly obedient!

“Is that true? Why—no, to begin with, why did Team Leader Cha Si-eon come out when I was going home? It’s not even his original work.”

Since I had already started, I brought up and pointed out the part I had vaguely glossed over.

Cha Si-eon was the team leader of Field Division’s Response Team 3.

I had not known it properly back then, but there was absolutely no reason for him to take charge of a rescued person’s interview.

“Mm, what power do we have? If Field Division says they’ll do it themselves, we have to step aside.”

Field Division did?

“On top of that, in your case, Agent, it was awkward for us to do anything anyway.”

“……?”

“Back then, that 200 million won was the Field Division manager and Response Team 3’s team leader’s personal money. It was a little awkward for us to hand that over, sooooo, ……Agent, perhaps you didn’t hear about this?”

Heo Gu-yeong had been complaining weakly, then looked at me and hurriedly asked back.

I had not heard.

This truly was the first I had heard of it.

“Not at all.”

“Aaaagh……! Agent, please don’t say that I told you this. If you didn’t know, please just keep pretending you don’t know……!”

Heo Gu-yeong was horrified and pleaded.

But what was important to me right now was not that.

“The compensation I received was Manager Kwon Mu-seop and Team Leader Cha Si-eon’s personal funds?”

When I asked back seriously, Heo Gu-yeong struck his own mouth repeatedly with his palm.

I quietly waited for an answer, and Heo Gu-yeong eventually confessed.

“Yes, they each paid 100 million won…….”

Among all the various things I had heard today, this was the strangest.

---

The life-saving allowance I received after becoming an agent.

900,000 won per person.

Since it was an allowance outside my fixed pay, this too was a fairly large amount, but compared to the compensation I had received at first, it was absurdly small.

The money I received from the 「Railway Station」 was no less than 200 million won.

It was compensation for rescuing one middle school student named Lee Sol.

The difference was enormous, but I had thought it was merely because of the difference in status.

When I saved Lee Sol, I had been a civilian, and after that, I became an agent.

Of course compensation and allowances are different, I had thought and moved on.

But thinking about it again, it had not made sense from the beginning.

The state gives 200 million won because you saved one person?

I had never even heard of such a case.

So the Bureau’s citizen compensation, which I asked Heo Gu-yeong about directly, was a maximum of 63 million won.

Even that was money paid not for saving a life, but only when one achieved “meaningful Patriotic Martyrdom.”

Then what on earth was it?

Cha Si-eon and Kwon Mu-seop, why did those two empty even their personal funds to push this huge sum of money onto me?

At that point, I had been a complete civilian.

There had been neither sign nor pretext that I would continue any connection with the Bureau.

In fact, Cha Si-eon had driven me out as if there would be no reason to see me again.

This meant they had truly intended only to give me money…….

I dry-washed my face alone, then looked out the window.

The artificial sky outside the window depicted a metropolitan night sky, dark without a single star.

For today, I should sleep first and think tomorrow.

……But if it’s 200 million won, isn’t that closer to a reward than compensation?

Thinking this, I fell asleep.

But before long, I ended up waking again.

WAAAAAAIL—!

At the sound of a chilling siren that suddenly rang out.