Day One Thousand One Hundred And Twenty

Dear Diary,

So. I'm four years older than when I got here. I mean, I've only been here like three years and less than a month, but I got isekaied just before my birthday, so four years older. Back then, back in the day, four years would have seemed like forever.

In some ways, it still kinda does.

So much has happened. A lot of it horrifying, yeah, but some of it... Some of it just as incredible as yesterday. Shit, plenty of it just as orgasmically incredible as yesterday but not including actual orgasms. Getting married, and I'm including both times, and not including the consummation of same. Never thought I'd enjoy the formality of a big fancy wedding, but here we are. The birth of our kids, even as exhausting and sort of awful in the moment as Siobhan's labor was, and even as messy and weird when I think about it as Marie's was. Every moment of each of the birthday parties for each of our kids.

I wonder what me from back in the day would think of me now. I mean, I sort of know. Amnesiac me saw most of my life here and now, and the only thing she worried about was whether she was good enough not to fuck it all up. Which, I could have told her I would absolutely do, in new and creative ways each and every time. But fortunately along with being hot and horny and sweet and loving, my ladies are also endlessly forgiving of my fuck ups. But I kind of hope that somehow she'd still be proud of me if she were, like, a separate person.

Heh. She managed one thing that I thought was absolutely impossible. I don't remember once since Reviving Ria that I honestly thought, 'Past Me? I hate that bitch'.

I mean, I've had all kinds of awful shit happen to me too. I've experienced death, and even if I'm not sure a Co-Located duplicate counts, I'm pretty sure my terminal velocity impact into New Amsterdam's bay did for me that time, and I will never forget that getting shot in the head hurts like a bitch.

There are times when I focus on all that bad shit. The atrocities I've done and committed, the injuries, the pain. But right now, after yesterday, after my maybe spiral wound up averted by a day of people celebrating my existence, a couple of them in the most intensely physical way possible, I think I can step past all that.

I mean, I know I'm lying when I say that. All that shit is part of me, and the next time I spiral I'm sure I'll dredge up something awful, like nearly killing Siobhan during her ordination. But then, her only regret from that seemed to be that single word, 'nearly', because her Holy Garb healing her meant she didn't wind up getting to stare at her body while I did the same to her Soul.

Like I said, there's some fucked up shit over the past three years, and the most fucked up thing about it is how many of those fucked up things were awesome at the time, and how many of the partners involved would... No, have openly stated things to the effect of 'ten out of ten, would be the victim of sexy atrocities again'.

Then again, I'm not sure it's really an atrocity if everyone involved consents and everyone walks away nominally fully functional, the only lasting effects being memories and treasured scars. I think my shoulder really ought to be my final opinion on that. Or maybe the little round scars on both sides of my neck.

So everybody showed up for dinner today. The Lancasters, Mom and Dad, Marshall duBois, Angel, even Jack and Adrienne showed up, even though they didn't make it until we'd all sat down to dinner, which was after my cake. Yeah, Marie knows me, and she knows my Kitten. If I'd seen dinner first, I wouldn't have appreciated the cake as much. Big chocolate, coffee, and vanilla thing, multiple tiers and big enough to feed the small army that trooped through.

Dinner was, as Marie promised, more of those awesome chicken tenders with more flaky crunchy coating than tender. Don't get me wrong, I love the meat in the tenders, and the meat in these was incredible, but something about that cronch just made me feel happy deep inside. Even better when she brought out a whole assed soup bowl of her savory sweet syrup gravy for me to dip them in.

I think the kids were a little bummed maybe by everybody staying overnight. Not that they didn't enjoy the visit, but normally they do all kinds of tub games, but with all the visitors we wound up with enough tub to soak in, not enough tub to play shit like water polo in. So maybe not 'bummed' exactly, but the more active kids like Menace and Anise wound up a little cranky at having to stay mostly still.

When all of them fell asleep, which included Lucas and Liam, which meant the Lancasters slept in our big bed as well, everybody tangled up with everyone else in one big pile, Siobhan and Saffron spirited me off to the Bedroom. Where, oddly enough, we did not romp like bunnies, or rabid weasels, or any other form of frantically oversexed small mammals.

We lay there, the two of them snuggled to my side, and talked.

"Did you enjoy your birthday, love?"

I smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, thanks, you two. That was an incredible day."

"Did you enjoy your presents?"

I kissed Saffron on the forehead as I chuckled. "Yeah, I think you mean 'present', and yeah, I'd almost forgotten about poor Vince."

"I think he may be forlorn if you forget about him again, but you definitely had a second present of that nature as well."

I pulled Siobhan in for a kiss, then said, "okay, yeah. You're right. I liked that one better. Maybe. I dunno."

Siobhan got the cutest little fake outraged face and said, "you think? What must I do to ensure my place as your favorite present?"

I hugged her and said, "hey, sometimes I'm in the mood to get railed. We're not all purely Sapphic like you."

Yeah, she pouted a little. "I can't compete with that."

At which point Saffron laughed aloud and said, "you most certainly can, oh High Priestess of a Shapeshifting Deity."

"But... I don't like men?"

Saffron leaned over me to stage whisper into Siobhan's ear, "most men don't either." When Siobhan got a confused look, Saffron shook her head and added, "besides, that's not required for railing, as you are very well aware."

"Oh?" A second later, she blushed. "Oh! Well... I suppose at some point. Maybe. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

I hugged them both and said, "hey, Marie's not into Shapeshifting either. No rule that says you have to be, Darling." Then I remembered something. "Oh, hey, question for you?"

"Yes, Tabitha, my Goddess?"

"You just like saying that."

"I do."

"Okay. You went through the Trials, right?" She nodded. "That dress... Damn, I think it's Conrad's best rendition yet. I get you standing still and being polite, I get you learning the Doctrine. You're great with kids and Healing, but... How did you pass Marie's Trial?"

Saffron tried, she really did, but she slowly broke down into quiet laughter while Siobhan blushed and chewed air, unable to answer. Finally, after Siobhan poked her in the butt with a finger, Saffron got enough control  over herself to force out two words.

"Weighted Average."

Yeah, that kept me amused all through today's family therapy session.