Day One Thousand One Hundred And Sixty-Six

Dear Diary,

Something they don't tell you about becoming a Deity. Or, well, becoming a single portion of a larger Deific body. Or... Y'know... Whatever the fuck I would be categorized.

Y'know, I haven't really thought about that much lately. I guess being a tentacle cosplaying as a Human Adjacent person will leave a body a little outside the norms of human categorization, not to mention no longer really ready to think about how I ought to be categorized. Then again, Humans love their categorizations. I've mentioned it before, we're pattern recognition machines, and if anything we recognize more patterns than actually exist. Sometimes we wind up imposing them on reality, and that shit happened back in the world of my birth, where to the best of my knowledge Mana based shenanigans were not a thing that actually happened.

Then again, there's all kinds of weird, wacky shit when it comes to Deities, even back in the day. I guess maybe here where they have to actually exist there might be a few more limits on them, but given that I am a continent spanning mass of tentacles, I'm not prepared to stake my dubious reputation on that. So I guess my categorization would be 'mostly brain dead Elder Primordial'. Okay, 'Divine Polyped' is in there, since I have all those other tentacles.

Of course, the fact that I see all the output of Status in English means that even that sometimes seems wrong when I think about it. Seriously, I've got tentacles, maybe some arms in there as well, since some of them seem to be more octopus limb than squid limb. If 'default shape' means anything to a supposed organism whose defining feature is 'shapeshifter'. But tentacles and arms. No legs. Therefore, ostensibly, no feet. I'm multibrachiate, not polypedal.

Of course, all of that is just a digression from the thing that nobody tells a body about the kind of existence I'm living, likely for precisely the reason that I've just alluded to; ain't nobody else in quite the same situation I am, as odd as that sounds. Thing is, that shit will fuck with your proprioception. Hard.

So yesterday, while Kitten tried to pretend she wasn't walking funny from being rewarded for accidentally maneuvering Ophelia Orange into leading every semi-combat capable ship in The Alliance to support our Navy and Pirate allies, I taught the Camden Yards kids more about fighting in groups. Through the day, as I did my bodyguarding, my cooking, and even some playing around with the kids, I kept having weird moments where it felt kind of like bits of me were falling asleep. Along with that oddity, my ladies kept the back of my head full of quiet murmurs pretty much all day long.

I asked Siobhan about it after dinner as we floated in the Bath. She blushed and shifted Aoibh to her other breast before answering.

"Sorry. I didn't realize it would have that effect."

"Huh?"

Saffron pulled Siobhan into her arms and said, "you did exactly as I told you to." Then she turned to me. "Apologies, Goddess. The Sneaking is the only Tentacle without Cold Iron in her construction. So as her Captain, Archmage Darling was the obvious choice."

I blinked, then pushed my Blend around us a little. "Huh?"

She just smiled wider. "Later, love."

When we got to the Bedroom after making sure all the kids were asleep, I repeated my eloquent and unambiguous question. "Huh?"

"May I?" asked Siobhan.

Saffron looked at me, and I pushed my Blend up even further. Then I filled the room with tentacles. When I pulled them back, I may have failed to remove them from the ladies within, because they looked adorable sitting next to each other on the Bed. "Okay, we're secure."

Very. We can't even talk like this.

"Is that a complaint, Kitten?"

If you tell her yes, I will Co-Locate just to bite you.

Siobhan's comment got both of them laughing, which was a fun sensation from my perspective. "Okay, go on, Darling."

I don't know, stationary tentacles are very... The reason for her complaint gone, she continued. Thank you, Goddess. At any rate, the Imperator has decided that against the English... Well, I suppose I should say Thames Pirates, we ought use the technique you developed for the Battle of the Bay.

It took me a second. "You guys are gonna portal ships in?"

Mmm... Exactly.

"How is this related to my pins and needles?"

Siobhan had gotten completely distracted, but Saffron picked up the explanation. None of us can handle as much Mana as you can while fighting, or even while providing Shaping support for a warship.

"I'm sure you could."

I'm sure you're wrong. Although I might be able to portal a single ship mid-combat, none of the other Tentacles can transit portals safely, so Siobhan had to set this up. And, since moving multiple ships at once might be difficult, she's been setting up the portals as delayed Shapes. Which is tremendously less...

Saffron got distracted her own self at that point, and a giggly Siobhan finished for her. Mana efficient.

I realized then that the sensation I'd been feeling bore a huge similarity to what I remembered from when Saffron would pull Mana from me to do the effects that proved she was Mimic's High Priestess back during the war with New Amsterdam.

Of course that reminded me of another complaint, even if it was kinda stupid. "I kinda wish one of you guys could do the tentacle thing."

Why? They chorused.

"Because that looks fun?"

Dreamt of my ladies bonking one another with long, wiggly pool noodles. Then using those pool noodles to bonk my tentacles. Yeah, they don't always make sense.

Woke up with a smile from the goofiness, then went about my day of bodyguarding, cooking, cleaning, and teaching Math. Through the day I felt more draws on my Mana, which weirded me out just a little, given how much I knew they'd pulled without making me feel that way. Then again, when they needed Mana they mostly just got me to pour it into them directly rather than pulling from my tentacles. But at this point I got it, the Faerie Queen was probably watching me. What was ostensibly my body, at least.

Midway through the day, Saffron pinged me. Kinda weird with her standing there talking with Mama Driver in the Grand Council chamber, but I guess she's better at multitasking than me.

Love, please bring Cadet Sarah to the Scrying Room?

You got it, Kitten.

I hopped one of me to the Guess Room hallway at the Homestead, knocked on D and Sarah's door, and waited mostly patiently when she half yowled, "coming!"

When she opened the door just wide enough to peek out and see me a minute later, expectant look on her face, I said, "Cadet Sarah, the Imperator needs you."

She frowned, then head tilted. A moment later another of her stood next to me, her Cadet uniform in her hand. She moved to start dressing as she closed the door on me, but Saffron had sounded... Not urgent, but not infinitely patient either. So I did the old insta-dressing trick on her. She nodded and said, "ready."

I took her by the hand and stepped her through to the Scrying Room, where Tallulah was already setting up one of the mirrors, with Saffron standing next to her. A few moments later, the mirror cleared to show Ophelia Orange on the deck of a ship. Saffron held out both hands, and Sarah and I each took one of them.

A moment later she stepped us to that deck, and I realized that the ship was at least a day's travel out to sea.

"I am not returning to New Amsterdam until the threat from England has been dealt with once and for all."

Saffron shook her head. "If I wanted you to return, I wouldn't have come personally."

"Then what are you doing here, Imperator?"

Saffron didn't mention the sharp tone in Ophelia's voice, so I let it slide. Instead she just nodded and said, "ensuring that the Grand Councilwoman in charge of the Alliance Merchant Marie Relief Force has adequate ability to communicate with the rest of the Alliance Military. Not to mention also ensuring she has adequate personal security."

"I have bodyguards..." I think somehow Sarah's uniform had registered more than her species, because a moment later Ophelia shut her mouth. Then nodded. "Thank you, Imperator. I didn't think you would send a personal bodyguard of the Heir to Olympus to ensure my... Safety."

Saffron just shrugged. "I still cannot say that I agree with risking a Grand Councilmember this way, but you've made your intent clear, so the least I can do is assist in any way I am able." When Ophelia still looked dubious, my Kitten smiled and said, "with that in mind, please be ready to coordinate with the Tentacles and especially Admiral Swanson aboard the Black Dragon when you rendezvous with them?"

Ophelia still looked doubtful, but she just nodded. "Of course. I studied naval warfare as much as I was allowed as a child, but I am a child no longer. I will of course bow to Admiral Swanson's expertise should it become available."

"Sarah will, along with guarding your person, be able to carry messages to and from the Admiral."

"And from you?"

"And to me, if you should need to inform me of something. But I have none of the training you received, and while I have some experience Shaping for a ship in battle, I claim no special expertise leading ships or fleets."

Ophelia just stood there, obviously trying not to look suspicious. Eventually she said, "thank you, Imperator."

"Think nothing of it, Grand Councilwoman. As I said, I might not have agreed with your intent to lead this venture, but you are still acting to support the Alliance, and I cannot in good conscience to less than my utmost to support you." She stopped, nodded, then took my hand. "But with that in mind, I must return to the Grand Council chambers, and see to making sure your fleet will be properly supplied."

We stepped back to the Scrying Room, and Tallulah dropped her Scry. "She looked annoyed."

Saffron and I looked at one another, then back at Tallulah. Then both of us burst out laughing.

Because my long tall Sidhe Lady definitely sounded like Ophelia wasn't the only annoyed one, and for whatever reason both of us thought mildly annoyed Tallulah commenting on that was, in a word, adorable.