Chapter 972: A Writer’s Helpless Voice on Hiatus (A Middle-Aged Man’s Lament)

This might be considered a belated apology.

I’ve repeatedly assured everyone before that this book would absolutely not have a bad ending, and would have a complete conclusion.

But... but ultimately, some uncontrollable factors occurred.

Let me briefly introduce what happened.

Fellow Daoists who have read my remarks upon launching ought to remember that I’m a thirty-six-year-old full-time author, and I’ve been writing for six years, with a marriage, a family, and a daughter.

My wife and I... we haven’t reached that step yet, so she can still be considered my wife, we got married six years ago, just as I started learning to write, with basically no income, spending two years living a tough life.

Back then, I remember she was pregnant with our daughter, six or seven months in, still going to work with a big belly on her electric vehicle, while I was writing day and night, and though life was hard, it was truly fulfilling.

Then our daughter was born, and the responsibilities of being a new father combined with my guilt towards her made me work even harder than before.

These years, I’ve devoted myself wholeheartedly to writing, and she has silently taken care of the entire family behind the scenes.

But I can’t understand, while life seems to be getting better and better, why has the relationship between us deteriorated rapidly?

I consider myself a person who, apart from smoking, stays away from drinking, gambling, womanizing, and playing around.

Each day, waking up to write, then home to eat and sleep after writing, all 365 days of the year, nearly without rest, focused solely on earning money through writing to provide a better life for her and the child.

The past few years, we’ve bought a house, changed our car, and improved the quality of life, but the feelings between us seem to have become diseased.

She has gradually stopped understanding me and doesn’t support me anymore, wanting to enjoy the present, and wanting me to put some energy into providing emotional value for her, focusing on some sense of ceremony in life.

But I know in my heart that our family still has a long way to go before we can just relax and enjoy.

Given our current modest family assets, with our parents aging and the child growing up, any unforeseen event might empty our savings.

I tried to communicate with her, telling her that this small family’s ability to withstand risks is too weak, and with the rapid advancement of AI technology, authors in the online literary industry will only find it increasingly difficult to survive.

I want her to give me a few more years so that I can fight a little longer, and once I’ve built up some savings, I’ll withdraw some focus from my career to spend more time with them.

But communication has failed.

By the end of April, this book had been continuously updated for almost a year; combined with endless arguments here and there, I felt physically and emotionally drained.

I intended to take her and the child out for a break at the end of April, planning to return afterwards to continue writing, but instead... came a divorce agreement.

Honestly, to this day, I still don’t understand why she turned out this way?

Saying that all these years I’ve only cared about making money, only loved money, solely focused on my book, never considering her feelings...

Upon hearing this, I was truly at a loss for words.

I come from a rural background, and my family was very poor during my childhood, truly scared of poverty.

I told her that in today’s society, borrowing money is harder than borrowing a life, and without sufficient savings and foundation, praying to the gods won’t help when something happens.

...

Perhaps both of us had fallen into a sort of self-righteous obstinacy, no longer listening to each other’s words, and a round of communication did not ease the situation.

After struggling for over a month, both of us were deeply tormented.

June 17th, things escalated to the step of the civil affairs bureau.

Filed for divorce, 30-day cooling-off period.

I still remember, coming out of the civil affairs bureau, it was drizzling, she silently got into the car, and I squatted by the roadside smoking alone.

During that time, I thought a lot, considered compromising, even contemplated simply giving up this industry and finding a stable job.

That way, I wouldn’t need to spend a lot of energy, and could spare some time to accompany them.

But in a fourth or fifth-tier small city like ours, most jobs only maintain a living, with an ending you can see from the start.

I truly am unwilling.

Having fought in this industry for six years, enduring so many hardships, countless sleepless nights, graying hair, only I understand.

June 20th, she returned, saying she wanted to discuss the specific terms of the divorce agreement and custody of the child with me.

I didn’t say anything else during the entire time, only told her that our daughter would be with me, while the rest of the house, car, and savings she could choose freely.

She disagreed, saying she only wanted the child, to divide the savings equally, and that the car and house should go to me.

This time, exceptionally, there was no quarrel, and calmly, the two of us sat down and talked all afternoon.

At night, in the deep silence, I suddenly realized that in six years, it seemed like an eternity since I’d sat down like this to really talk with her.

June 22nd, things could no longer be concealed, my parents rushed back from the countryside, persuaded her, and also subjected me to a bit of stick education.

Sigh!

Honestly, I was really aggrieved at the time, to the extent of crying loudly.

I just thought, I’ve been desperately making money, eating poorly, abstaining from alcohol, and neither gambling nor playing, entirely for this family, where exactly was I wrong?

My dad handed me a cigarette and said a few words very calmly.

Why are you desperately making money?

It’s for your little family, yet now this family is falling apart!

You think you can make money, provide better material life for the child, but can you replace the mother’s love she truly needs?

I didn’t respond, nor did I know how to respond.

Last night, my sister and brother-in-law came back, personally picked her up, and the whole family sat down for a meal.

She also agreed to move back home to take good care of the child, but the condition was that once the cooling-off period ended, the divorce still had to happen.

For the rest of our lives, the two of us will just be partners in life, I can focus on making money, and she’ll let me do so without intending to work, staying home to look after the child wholeheartedly.

I agreed.

After two months of turmoil, I can distinctly feel the changes in my daughter, and truly couldn’t bear to let her continue to suffer at such a young age.

Now, I don’t know if saying these things will bring criticism, but I just feel I’ve broken my promise and disappointed all the Fellow Daoists who’ve supported this book, so for both emotions and reason, I should step up and give an explanation.

I don’t know if those reading can understand, writing... really consumes a lot of energy, and if you want to write well, there’s really not much energy left to worry about other things.

At least for me, once there are distractions, I simply cannot write well.

Now that things are temporarily settled, this book has been discontinued for two months, my thoughts completely shattered, and I can only say sorry to everyone.

In the next few days, I should be preparing a new book, temporarily setting the genre as fantasy high martial arts, and thank you all for your support, and once again, solemnly apologize to everyone.