Chapter 222: I Grew A Flower That Can’t Be Bloomed In A Dream

[FROLO]

"I... I should have done more homework... Should have paid better attention. But I just couldn’t see you cry yourself to sleep again. I thought the idea was genius at the time," Yaroslav said, laughing at this stupidity as he told Katya of what he had done and why he had cheated.

It was the most diabolical of things, but then he wasn’t here to ask Katya to take him back. He was here to give the omega his closure and maybe get his own along the way. Even if that was impossible because Katya was the love of his life.

"You really were going to kill her?" Katya asked in defeat, like he didn’t know what to say.

But then again, what the fuck was he supposed to say? That he understood Yaroslav’s desperation? That he was sorry about how things had gotten? That he would try to make things better? That he would figure out a way to make things right?

There was no realistic thing he could say to make it all better.

This was the most unhinged of things he had heard from Yaroslav.

"You were hurting, and nothing I did made it better. I’m not saying it was your fault, I just... I just wanted to see you happy.

"I couldn’t stand seeing you hurting all the time," Yaroslav admitted shamefully, even as the guard knocked on Katya’s side of the window and brought them food.

"You haven’t eaten. Come, let’s go inside," Katya said, and Yaroslav stared at his beloved like he couldn’t believe this. He had practically confessed to planning a murder, and Katya had brought him food and was inviting him to his home?

"No. It’s not my place anymore. I have no right to be in your home, Katya," the beta said, wincing at the omega’s name like this was the cruelest of realities he had to deal with.

He couldn’t even refer to his beloved as honey anymore because he had lost those privileges over the years.

Gods, he was an ass.

"Then let’s sit on the pavement. It’s much cleaner, and you get to eat properly without having to spill anything," Katya insisted as he got out.

When Yaroslav didn’t follow, Katya stepped to the driver’s side and opened it, his soft eyes a weakness that Yaroslav was never going to win against, ever.

"Okay," Yaroslav agreed, and the guards left them to their conversation.

"You didn’t answer me," Katya continued once they were seated.

"Yes."

"What?"

"I was going to kill her after the baby was born. It was a perfect plan, really. Milan would be pregnant and carry the child for nine months, and then deliver the baby, and I’d kill her before the nurses took it to clean it up.

"Then I’d bring the baby home and say it was born of a surrogate I was testing things with. I’d get to see you smile again; it would be worth it in the end," Yaroslav said as he ate his food like he had been starving forever.

To be fair, the last time he had eaten, his father had made him food.

That was four days ago.

Katya looked at his ex-husband as if he didn’t recognize him, and yet at the same time, he recognized what was happening.

His grief had driven his husband into the most diabolical of situations. His desperation had pushed Yaroslav into walls that they both had never known existed.

The fact that Yaro was saying it like he was talking about the weather told Katya that it was not a plan that Yaro had suddenly come up with. He had done his homework. He had considered every other possible option.

In that moment, Katya remembered saying no to adopting older kids, because he wanted a child of his own.

Oh, but Katya had never felt that terrible for a Yaroslav.

"Was... Was it that bad?" Katya asked as he stared at his food, unable to even find it in himself to consume anything.

"I love you. I loved you. I have always loved you. I will always love you," Yaroslav said, like it was the simplest of things.

But it wasn’t.

This was different.

Way too different.

"Ya—"

"I have never been a good person, Katya. I am every bit my father’s son. I know that doesn’t excuse me from cheating or even the fact that I took the choice from you, but I thought it was the only way to see you happy again.

"You were happy before we got married. You smiled often. You laughed often. You actually lived your life. And I swore to preserve your smile, to make sure you never cried, to protect you from everyone.

"But I couldn’t protect you from the one thing that mattered the most. Instead of being safe and happy, your association with me doomed you, and it was my fault. And I thought, maybe if I tried another way;

"... maybe if I gave you a child, maybe you would be happy again. It was supposed to be simple. No one would ask about Milan. I’d erase every trace of her, and the rest of my life would be happy. But look at me now.

"I was fighting the wrong battle because I was distracted. I should have known. Should have figured it out. I should have protected you better. Instead, I broke your heart in my own way and cheated on you because I thought I was saving us... pathetic, right?

"I grew a flower that can’t be bloomed in a dream," Yaroslav said quietly.

Katya stared.

Really stared.

And he felt pity for the man he had married.

"You sacrificed everything," Katya breathed like he was slowly understanding.

"Didn’t quite pay off as I hoped it would. To my eternal shame," Yaroslav chuckled weakly as he set aside his plate that was now empty.

He had eaten because Katya wanted him to eat.

"You sacrificed everything for my happiness," Katya breathed instead.

Yaroslav stiffened for a moment before he broke into awkward laughter.

"It’s in the past now. I failed either way. I chose for you. Look where that got us," Yaroslav said, laughing away his pain.

But Katya could see through it all.

"Yaro..."

"I’m not going to ask for forgiveness, Katya. I could spend my entire life begging for it, and it still wouldn’t be enough for the pain I caused you. So, I won’t pretend with you," Yaroslav said, like he knew Katya was going to forgive him.

Because Katya had a kind heart.

Maybe the cheating was overboard, but Yaro didn’t want to put Katya in such a situation.

"You lost your children, too," Katya whispered.

"Doesn’t matter now. I’m no saint, Katya."

"You’re allowed to grieve them too..."

"Once I figure out who hired those doctors, I’ll kill them all. You can’t take that from me. So don’t even try," Yaroslav said with conviction.

"But..."

"They hurt you. They broke your heart. They took your smile away. For five years, we went to them, and they said the same thing. All ten doctors. They watched you at your lowest and never once told the truth.

"That is something I won’t forgive," Yaroslav swore.

"They broke your heart too, Yaro..."

"Yeah. But they hurt you more. And they’ll pay for hurting you. I have to go now. I’ll see you in court tomorrow," the beta said, getting up.

"Yaro..."

"I uhm... I want you to know... No matter what happens, I love you... forever. I’m not asking you to take me back, I’m not that selfish. Just know that if you ever need me, I’ll always be there. Always," Yaroslav said as he looked at Katya tenderly.

Katya just stared, his heart bleeding for the man he had fallen in love with once upon a time.

"Promise me you won’t beat yourself for what happened, Yaro..." Katya said suddenly.

Yaroslav paused, the door handle in his hands.

"What?" the beta wondered.

"We were both wronged. Don’t blame yourself for not seeing the loopholes and lies. I don’t blame you for that. For the cheating, sure. You could have talked to me instead of going behind my back and deciding for me.

"But for everything else... It wasn’t your fault," Katya insisted.

Yaroslav raised a brow with a smile on his face.

"I failed you..."

"You walked with me. Every step of the way. You didn’t give up on me. You protected me until desperation led you in the other direction. Carried the burden for both of us when I wasn’t strong enough. Without you, I’d probably have ended up insane."

"I—"

"In another life, maybe we would talk to each other before making decisions. But until then, it was never your fault," Katya said in earnest.

Yaroslav broke into a small smile before getting in and driving off.