Chapter 43: Experience

Chapter 43: Chapter 43: Experience

Dax sat in one of his favorite chairs with one hand beneath his chin, watching clouds slide past the aircraft window while afternoon light moved slowly across the dark wood and pale leather of the cabin.

He and Chris were finally on their way back to Saha.

Home.

Age had done something deeply inconvenient to Dax: it had made him domestic.

There had been a time when remaining in Altera for too long made him restless, when another trip, another state visit, and another problem somewhere beyond Saha’s borders felt preferable to staying still. Now he increasingly preferred his own palace, his own rooms, his children within reach, and Chris somewhere close enough that Dax could touch him without having to cross more than a few meters.

Jax was twelve and still lived with them in every meaningful sense. Nayra occupied a residence near the main palace, close enough to appear whenever she pleased, while Nero had long since acquired his own palace, administration, staff, and enough sub-ministries attached to the Crown Prince’s office to function like a government inside the government.

Dax liked having all of them near.

He liked having Chris nearer.

Across from him, Christopher sat with one leg crossed over the other, black eyes focused on an engineering project displayed across his tablet. His dark hair remained perfectly arranged despite hours of travel, and Dax had already touched him often enough during the flight that Chris had stopped acknowledging it.

Currently, Dax’s foot was pressed lightly against Chris’s ankle.

"Could you be less blunt with Lucas?" Chris asked without looking up.

Dax’s attention shifted from the window.

"I could also develop an interest in recreational poisoning, but I see no reason to."

Chris finally looked at him.

"You are being spiteful now."

"Well, he deserves it." Dax crossed his right ankle over his opposite knee. "Whenever something goes wrong, Lucas very conveniently discovers that Nero, Saha, or preferably both are somehow the problem. I am returning the courtesy."

"That does not require you to tell him his son either goes with Nero or dies."

"It was accurate."

"It was cruelly accurate."

Dax frowned.

What a tragedy.

Chris knew perfectly well how Dax felt about unnecessarily decorating facts so they became easier for other people to tolerate.

"Saha is a problem when I decide to make it one," Dax said. "Not because Lucas becomes dramatic every time Nero breathes near Sebastian."

"Lucas is Sebastian’s father."

"And Sebastian is thirty-one."

"That does not stop someone from being a parent."

"I know. I have three of them."

Chris put the tablet down on the low table between them.

"Nero manipulated Sebastian."

Dax grinned.

"And?"

Chris stared at him.

"He is a Sahan enigma who found his mate," Dax said, as though that explained everything. "Of course he used circumstances to his advantage."

"You say that with entirely too much pride."

"I am proud."

"That is precisely the issue."

Dax’s grin widened.

"Sebastian likes him."

Chris sighed. "I know."

That made Dax pause.

"You agree?"

"Yes, Dax. I am on our son’s side."

Dax looked delighted.

Chris pointed at him before that expression could become unbearable.

"Do not make me regret saying it."

"I would never."

"You absolutely would."

Dax leaned back again, considerably more satisfied.

Chris continued, "I think Sebastian has feelings for Nero. I think Nero has loved him for years, and I think most of us have known that longer than either of them would appreciate."

"Correct."

"I also think Nero was right to help him today."

"Also correct."

"And I think Lucas is allowed to be frightened when his son nearly dies, begins an irreversible biological process, and leaves the country with the man who has wanted him for seven years, all before lunch."

Dax considered that.

"Dramatically phrased."

Chris gave him a look.

"Fine. Reasonably dramatically phrased."

"That is what I want you to understand."

"I understand it. I simply don’t enjoy accommodating it."

Chris picked his tablet up again, then thought better of it.

"Nero did manipulate events."

"Yes."

"He encouraged the leak because he knew it would eventually push Sebastian toward him and used the press situation."

"Yes."

"And you approve?"

Dax tilted his head.

"I understand."

"That was not what I asked."

Dax smiled faintly.

Chris knew him too well.

"I would be a spectacular hypocrite if I condemned Nero for taking circumstances that already existed and turning them in his favor."

Chris’s expression changed slightly.

There it was.

The part neither of them needed explained.

Dax had done considerably worse.

He had found Chris in Palatine, recognized his mate, and removed him from the country before anyone around them had time to organize an effective objection. Afterward, when opportunities appeared that made leaving Dax more difficult or staying with him easier, Dax had used them.

Not every trap had been deliberate.

That had never stopped him from benefiting from one.

He had wanted Chris with a degree of obsession that, even decades later, he had no interest in minimizing.

Chris was his moon.

The center around which every violent, selfish instinct in Dax had eventually reorganized itself.

Dax had wanted him enough to be shameless.

He still did.

"I used everything I had," Dax said. "Politics. Distance. Security. Timing. Every incident that made you rely on me a little more than the day before."

Chris’s black eyes remained on him.

"You did."

"I wanted you to stay."

"You wanted me to choose you."

"Yes."

Dax’s grin faded.

"I could keep you. I could not make you choose me."

Chris’s expression softened by a degree.

Dax reached across the space between their chairs and took his hand. His thumb moved over the ring Chris had worn for decades.

"That is where Nero’s situation is different."

Chris nodded.

"Sebastian does not have another option."

"No."

The word sat heavily between them.

Dax did not enjoy it.

He might have joked about nearly everything else, but not that.

Sebastian’s body had failed as a dominant alpha. Whatever reasons he had possessed for refusing Nero before, biology had stripped away the practical alternative with brutal efficiency.

Without Nero, Sebastian would deteriorate until berserk destroyed him.

Possibly everyone close enough to him first.

"That is why Lucas is reacting badly," Chris said.

"I know."

"He hears marriage, transition, Saha, and Nero, and underneath all of it he hears that Sebastian cannot simply walk away."

Dax looked toward the clouds again.

"He can walk away from Nero."

Chris studied him.

"Eventually."

Then his gaze dropped pointedly to the ornate collar resting around his own throat before returning to Dax’s face, black eyes narrowing with enough meaning that no explanation was necessary.

Dax stared back at him.

Chris raised one brow.

Dax’s mouth twitched.

"Fine. He won’t."

"Better."

"I said he can eventually. I never said Nero would make leaving appealing."

Chris’s expression flattened.

Dax sighed.

"And before you start, yes, I am aware that sounds terrible."

"It does."

"My experience remains statistically relevant."

"That is exactly what worries me."