Chapter 670: Frustration built from pain

"Cass, can you look at us? Please?" Edgar begged and Cass turned his face away, his arms crossed. He avoided their gazes again, even as the two men touched his shoulders.

"Cass, please. I’m worried we hurt you. Please, stop avoiding our gaze." Gideon pleaded and Cass pouted further.

Why was he angry?

He was angry because these two had plotted this whole thing without talking to him. Again. At least this time Lucian wasn’t involved, but they kept doing this. If they had just asked Cass he would have gladly let them do what they wanted. Was it silly that he was getting angry after the fact?

Maybe, but they kept doing this!

"You’re both assholes." Cass mumbled and felt them wince.

"Cass, I’m sorry. We’re both sorry. I wasn’t-I wasn’t thinking straight. I was worried that if we didn’t sleep together that you didn’t like me and Gideon was just going along with me. Please, just look at Gideon. He’s going to start crying if you don’t." Cass twitched. He’d already dealt with a crying Edgar today, he wasn’t sure if he could deal with a crying Gideon too.

"Why do you never consider just asking me?" Cass asked. "I know in the past I’ve been the asshole, but have I not made myself clear by now? I don’t like it when you hide things from me, even if it’s for a few hours. We all have trust issues and I’ve made my line pretty fucking clear." Cass said.

Edgar made a soft, confused noise in the back of his throat.

"I’m sorry. I really am. I know I took advantage of your concern for me, I do, I just-" He cut off, a shaky breath coming from his lips. "I’m sorry. We really just hadn’t slept together in a while and I felt that all I could offer you was my body and-" Hearing the words rush out of Edgar’s mouth, the tightness to his voice, Cass realised that he couldn’t hold out like this anymore.

What was he even doing? The man was smart, yes, but he was dumb when it came to other things. They all were, honestly.

Sighing, Cass finally turned to look at the two men hovering over him. Everyone was still naked, the lingering flush from their spent passions remaining even if both men looked absolutely distraught. Cass, still pouting, reached for both men and instantly they lowered their faces, letting Cass cup their cheeks.

His hands hadn’t gone back to normal yet, and honestly, they might not. He might be stuck with elongated fingernails, thick as all hell, until the rest of his body caught up. It was annoying, but at least he could still touch them without hurting them.

Getting dressed would become a nightmare, but he would take it one step at a time.

"I was giving you a break." Cass told him, staring at Edgar. Edgar blinked slowly.

"What?" Edgar repeated, his lips trembling.

"I was giving you a break because the damn other two kept pouncing on you at all times of the day. I can’t leave my rooms, so I can’t corner you like they can. I was trying to be considerate, but I guess if I don’t explain myself, you won’t know what I’m thinking." Cass mumbled, a little embarrassed. "I’m sorry. My only excuse is that I thought you would understand. We’re close enough now that I thought you would, but I should know better." Cass said.

Edgar stared down at him, his blue eyes wide before Cass turned his eyes to Gideon. He narrowed his gaze and felt Gideon twitch. It was clear he thought he was going to yell at him and Cass regretted narrowing his eyes almost instantly.

"Gideon, you don’t have to work so hard to prove yourself." Cass said, his voice gentle. "I accepted you for what you were and who you were ages ago. I’ve even been thinking of tearing up the contract since I hate the idea of binding you to me because you have to be, not because you want to be." Cass told him.

Edgar gasped, while Gideon froze.

He looked like he couldn’t compute what Cass had said at all, and Cass felt his lips curl up slightly.

"So, can we stop with this trying to plot behind my back to win me over? It’s tiring. You don’t need to put that much effort in. I’m a simple man, really. You’ve already proven your loyalty to me, and I rewarded that. Did you forget that I stormed your house to take you back? I would have left you there if I didn’t see a purpose in having you in my life, Gideon. So, please, stop burning the candle at both ends. I can’t watch it anymore, and Sir Forsythe is worried about you. You’re supposed to share your burdens, not take everyone else’s and keep your own as well." Cass told him gently and watched as Gideon’s eyes watered.

Ah, fuck.

Gideon sniffed, turning his head away and hiding his eyes. He didn’t break Cass’ contact on his cheek, but it was clear that the other man was emotional. Cass felt guilty.

"I’m sorry I didn’t say any of this to you two. I’m sorry I haven’t been forthcoming with my own emotions. I guess..." Cass swallowed thickly, his own eyes watering. "I guess I just worried that if I said anything out loud it might shatter the illusion. That you might leave or that this was all an elaborate final moment on my part and I actually died in a dungeon long ago." Cass said bitterly.

Edgar let out a muffled, pained noise and dropped his head, nuzzling into Cass’ shoulder as his eyes overflowed.

"No! Why would you think that?" Edgar asked, sounding horrified as if he wasn’t just the one who admitted to not feeling like he was loved without sleeping with Cass. Gideon tried to speak too, but the words caught in his throat.

Cass sighed, his throat tight, and he tried to work past the knot there. It took a few moments but he was finally able to speak but his voice sounded rough even to his own ears.

"I just, there’s a part of me that will always feel like this can fade away at any moment, and this isn’t from Caspian. This is...this is all Cassian." Cass admitted. "I don’t think we’ve ever talked about the people that used to get close to Cassian just to rip the rug out from underneath him, did we?" Cass said carefully. Edgar made a distressed noise in his throat, rubbing his face against Cass’ shoulder.

"No, we haven’t." Edgar said, not raising his head to look at Cass. Cass was sure it was because his face was a mess. Gideon wasn’t faring much better. The man couldn’t even talk and Cass could feel the dampness forming in between his hand and Gideon’s cheek. The man was crying silently, and Cass wasn’t sure if it was because of what Cass was saying, or what Gideon was feeling. It might even be both.

"Sir Forsythe is the only one who survived until the end." Cass told them carefully. "He’s the only one who didn’t fully betray Cassian, nor fully betray my grandfather. He played both sides, which kept him alive. Long enough that we could end up here, together, with the close bond that we have now." Cass let out a shaky breath, his eyes going to the painting on the ceiling as he tried to speak. "When I first arrived in Cassian’s body...he blocked off memories to me. Lots of those memories were related to his childhood and the pain he’d experienced there. Most of it wasn’t physical if you didn’t count the hunger pains, but it was all psychological. People would get close to him, try to befriend him, all to stab him in the back and go to his grandfather. So...I can’t just shake that." Cass told them.

Edgar clung to Cass, his body shaking. They hadn’t even cleaned up yet so Cass was sure he felt uncomfortable. However, he didn’t seem to care. Gideon wasn’t much better. His shoulders shook silently and finally, he uncovered his eyes.

His green gaze was filled with tears, the silent things pouring from his eyes.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t know." Gideon rasped. "I won’t do it again. I won’t, so please stop talking about this pain." Gideon whispered. "I can’t stand to hear it." Cass felt his own eyes water at Gideon’s words. He’d been fighting against them, but seeing the empathetic pain in Gideon’s eyes made Cass’ throat close tight.

He couldn’t speak, his body twisting and Cass forced himself to look away from Gideon so that he didn’t start balling. It was made worse with the bigger man leaned down, wrapping an arm under Cass’ neck and head and pulling him against his shoulder. Comforting him.

Cass felt the tears slip from his eyes, Edgar shifting his position so that he could hold him comfortingly too. Fuck.

Cass wanted to push them away. His body and mind were screaming to do it at first. He wanted to escape, not face it, not deal with it, but the more that the other two held him, the more the knee-jerk reaction faded and Cass was faced with the facts.

He’d been running away, too. He hadn’t been facing any of his issues. This wasn’t just Cassian’s anymore, they were his, and he’d been avoiding them. He’d been too afraid to look at them and thus, they had continued to hurt each other. He hadn’t explained why them hiding things hurt him so much, he’d just gotten mad and exploded on them without elaborating.

Yeah, hiding things wasn’t great in general, but if they thought it was harmless without knowing why it bothered Cass so much, they wouldn’t get it.

"I’m sorry we’ve been hurting each other." Cass whispered and they tightened their grip on him.

"Don’t, please. Don’t apologise." Gideon said emotionally. "You’ve done nothing wrong. We’ll figure this out together." Gideon told him and Edgar nodded, squeezing Cass tightly.

"We’ll work on it together. I’m sure Lucy’ll understand once we explain it to him. He’s not dumb, he’ll get it." Cass agreed. The man wasn’t dumb, just set in his ways.

Cass’ heart ached thinking of the man. He hated this. This was another moment that Lucian wasn’t there for, another thing he had missed. Lucian was going to be angry, maybe even sad that he’d missed this. Cass felt like shit that he’d had another moment without him.

"He will get it." Cass muttered, his throat still tight, but now with guilt that Lucian wasn’t here. The two men squeezed him.

"It’s okay. We’re sorry, Cass. We’ll make sure not to do it again, even if it’s a good surprise. Not until you feel better." Edgar promised, his tears wet against Cass’ shoulder. Cass wanted to laugh, wanted to say that they didn’t need to do that, but the kid, the child that Cassian had been, held those words back from him. The silence hung in the air for a moment before Gideon let out a breath.

"We’ll make it better." Gideon promised. Cass was grateful for their words, grateful for their concern but...he wondered if his own words to them had sunk in? He wanted to shake them, tell them that this world wasn’t just about him, but them too, but he didn’t have the strength.

He was just going to have to prove everything with his actions, like they were planning to do. He was going to have to use his words more, and express himself more clearly. Something that both Cassian and Caspian didn’t like doing, but if it was to make everyone feel more secure, he would do it.

Slowly, but he would. For him, for them, for everyone.