Chapter 69: Those are not candies

"Pfft—HAHA!"

Ace was the first to burst out laughing. It wasn’t a restrained chuckle, but a full-blown, belly-shaking laugh that doubled him over, his eyes narrowing into fine crescents as his finger tapped against the floor tile. "Jack... you are an absolute genius."

"What’s so funny?" Jack scratched his head in total confusion. "I haven’t even tasted them yet. Why am I a genius?"

May buried her head low, staring down at the pink box in her hands, desperately wishing a hole would open up in the floor to swallow her whole. The cartoon strawberry on the packaging seemed to wink mockingly at her, while the giant "0.01" numbers burned into her retinas.

"Jack," Ray’s voice came raspy through his grit teeth, sounding like he was chewing on crushed glass. "Put those things away. Wrap them up."

"Why are you acting like this too, Ray? These are rare finds! You can’t even buy stuff like this out in the wasteland nowadays!" Undeterred, Jack opened one of the packets and extracted a small pink square foil, bringing it right to his nose to take a deep whiff. "Whoa! The strawberry scent is super strong! Here, smell it—"

He unfolded the delicate latex sleeve and thrust it directly in front of Ray’s face.

It was an open condom.

Bright pink.

Featuring raised dotted textures.

Tears almost welled up in May’s eyes from sheer embarrassment.

Ray clamped a heavy hand down on Jack’s wrist with enough force that the giant nearly dropped to his knees.

"Ow, Ray! You’re hurting me!"

"Jack," Ray growled, fixing him with a stare as he enunciated every single syllable clearly: "Those are not candies."

"Then what are they?"

Theo had silently glided up behind Jack without anyone noticing. Reaching out with a long, slender finger, he pinched the tip of the pink latex sheath and held it up before Jack’s eyes, explaining in a calm, academic tone:

"These are condoms. They are worn over a specific male organ during intimate acts to prevent pregnancy and block the transmission of diseases. The particular item in your hand is strawberry-scented, 0.01 millimeters thin, and features textured dots."

His delivery was as composed and formal as a university lecture slide.

Jack froze completely.

He stared down at the pink latex stretched between his fingers, then looked at May, and finally glanced down at the rest of the boxes clutched in his giant bear-like paws.

A deep crimson blush surged from his neck all the way up to his scalp.

"I... I..." Jack’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly like a fish yanked out of water. "I... I didn’t know... I thought it was..."

"Thought it was what?" Alex was now rolling on the floor, slapping the tiles in fitful bursts of laughter, his voice dripping with gloating delight. "Hey, were you actually planning to peel a ’strawberry candy’ and feed it to Sister-in-law?!"

"I—!"

Jack’s hand trembled violently, causing the delicate pink sheath to slip from his grip. It fluttered lightly through the air before landing square on top of May’s knee.

Every single eye in the auditorium locked onto that exact spot.

May stared down at the pink latex resting on her knee, her ears bombarded by Alex’s unrestrained laughter, Ace’s amused "genius" commentary, Theo’s calm analytical breakdown, and Jack jumping up and down in sheer panic.

And from the furthest corner of the room, Mitch finally moved.

He bolted to his feet, kicking over two folding chairs as he strode furiously toward the exit without turning back. Stopping at the doorway, he stood with his back to the room, his voice coming out muffled and strained from deep within his chest:

"Jack."

"Present!" Jack reflexively snapped to attention.

"Did you seriously never take a single health and biology class in your entire life?!"

"I... I did take it..." Jack whimpered softly. "...but I fell asleep during that lesson..."

Mitch offered no response, simply shoving the heavy iron door open and stepping out into the blinding blizzard.

The door slammed shut with a heavy CLANG, allowing a gust of icy wind to sweep beneath the frame and tilt the central campfire violently to one side.

May picked up the small pink foil package left on her knee, slipped it back into the cardboard box, closed the lid, and pushed it to the side.

Though her cheeks were still burning hot, she had already come to a sudden realization—in front of a crowd of hardened roughnecks like this, as long as your skin was thick enough, they would be the ones drowning in utter embarrassment.

"Thanks a lot, Jack," May said, blinking her eyes innocently at the flushed giant, her voice soft and sweet. "I actually really like the strawberry flavor you found. Make sure to gather more next time."

Jack turned completely to stone on the spot, his face turning red enough to emit steam. His lips trembled for several long seconds before he managed to force out a complete sentence:

"I... I’m going outside to patrol!!"

He spun around and made a desperate dash for the door. Passing the campfire, he nearly trampled the blaze out entirely before Ray grabbed him by his tactical collar and yanked him back.

"Hold your horses. Get over here."

Ray released his grip, gathering May closer to his side. "Sit down right here."

Shrinking back beside the fire like a wronged child, Jack hugged his knees tight and buried his face in his arms. The tips of his ears glowed a deep, telltale crimson as he whimpered in a tiny voice:

"I really thought it was candy... it had a strawberry painted right on the box..."

Alex leaned over, patting his massive shoulder in a tone reserved for comforting a lost toddler. "It’s alright, dude. The strawberry-flavored ones genuinely do smell like strawberry. There’s nothing wrong with your nose... it’s just your brain that..."

"Enough, Alex. You’re scaring the poor guy half to death," Ray barked, casting a stern look over.

Reaching down, Ray grabbed the remaining small pink boxes and stuffed them into his combat trouser pockets until they bulged heavily, looking like a pair of live grenades strapped to his legs.

"Jack, head over to the school building behind us and search it again to see if there are any more," Ray grunted through gritted teeth, his expression dark. "Don’t come back until you’ve gathered a full day’s supply."

Jack scratched his head in complete distress. "Ray, I honestly didn’t know what those were... I saw the strawberry drawing and figured May liked sweet things... plus there are already nearly a hundred in there..."

"Get the hell out!"