A Person with Morals gets Transported to Another World [LitRPG] [Satire]

Newmill led me to all the most important places in the King’s city, including the museum, courthouse, bank, and colosseum. He somehow knew all the best bus routes which was surprising considering he was royalty. I wouldn’t have expected him to travel like the common man. Though I was aware that he was the poorest of all the princes and princesses.

Having stepped into the final building on our list, the System popped up.

[Explorer Quest Completed: Visit all places of interest within the King’s city.]

[Reward: Pocket Telescope]

[New Explorer Quest: Unlock a new area by visiting a viewpoint.]

“A telescope, huh?” I was hoping the System would give me something a little better than that. Like maybe a token for me to try the slot machine again. I was certain that my next spin would be a jackpot. Just as certain as I was about each lottery ticket I had bought being a winner.

The next Explorer quest was something that would take me a while to do. The area of my map unlocked by entering the belltower was large. It covered a wide range around the city, so it would take days, at minimum, to finally reach uncharted territory again.

I rolled the item I received from the quest in my hand. It wasn’t shaped like a telescope. It was a small metal cube with lines and gaps all over it.

“What is that?” asked Newmill.

“A telescope. I think it’s folded in on itself. I need to find a way to open it.” I tried prying it open from its seams but that didn’t work. I tried saying ‘open sesame’ but to no avail. None of my attempts were working. I allowed Newmill to give it a go too, but he was having similar trouble.

I clicked on the item in my status page to get a description.

[Pocket Telescope: A telescope that only shows things worth looking at. To retract or extend, place it into a pocket.]

What the heck kind of description was that? What did it even mean to only show things worth looking at? Also, did the ‘pocket’ part of the name come from its retractable effect rather than the fact that it could fit into a pocket?

“Newmill, it looks like I can make it extend by pocketing it.” I place the cube into the pocket of my shorts, and it flung open. Like a spring, the telescope shot out of my pocket and onto the floor.

“Careful, Yarm! You might break it.”

“To be honest, from reading the description, I don’t think I’d be losing much if it did break.” I picked up the telescope and peered through it. “Yep, it’s worthless.” I couldn’t see anything at all through it. The clear glass may as well have been opaque. It only showed blackness. I tried to look at things in the distance, but nothing appeared.

My left eye could see a castle, while my right eye could see nothing through the telescope. No matter what I looked at, nothing showed up through the lens. Did the telescope think nothing in this city was worth looking at?

“What’s wrong? You seem disappointed.” Newmill curiously tried to peer through the telescope with me by pressing his face against mine.

“I am.” I separated his cheek from mine by moving my head away. “Apparently this telescope only shows things worth looking at. Unfortunately, it thinks that nothing is worth viewing so it’s completely black.” I gave another look through the lens, but this time at closer things. I pointed it at a nearby table with a cup of coffee on top of it, but nothing appeared.

With a sigh, I was ready to throw it away, however when I pointed it at Newmill, I saw him. “Wait! I can see you, Newmill. I can only see you and nothing else, for some reason.”

“Really?” Newmill processed that sentence for a bit and then tried to cover his body with his hands. “Kyah!” A high-pitched girly scream came from him. “Don’t look, you pervert.” He squeezed his legs together and shielded himself with his arms.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“You said the telescope doesn’t show anything at all except me, right? Doesn’t that mean you can’t see my clothes and you’re looking at my naked body?”

I lowered the telescope so I could stare at him with both of my eyes. “No. I could still see your clothes…”

“Oh.”

We stood in awkward silence for a few long moments.

I placed the telescope into my pocket, and it retracted into a small cube again. I decided to end the tension by saying, “Forget about the telescope for now. Do you want to come help me confess to my crush?”

Eager to switch the subject, Newmill nodded. “Let’s do it!”

I led Newmill to the residence of Penrin and Frome. From a distance, I could already see Frome tending to her garden. With a watering-can she sprinkled flowers. She was wearing a yellow sundress, and her black hair was tied into a bun. Her glasses sat low on her nose; her black lipstick absorbed the Sun’s rays; she was truly radiant.

“Yarm, how are you going to find her? She said she was going to be busy today.” Newmill had been expressing his uncertainties towards my plan throughout the day.

“She did?” When did the prince hear about this, I wondered? “Well, I can see her right over there, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Where?” Newmill couldn’t spot her surprisingly.

“You need to get your eyes checked, man.” Did they even have optometrists in this world? I guessed if Frome was wearing glasses then they had to. “Alright, Newmill, it’s time. Give me your support.”

“You can do this Yarm!” he said with gusto.

I stood behind him and began climbing onto his back.

“Hey! What are you doing?” He shoved me away.

I was surprised by his confusion. “What do you mean? I’m using you for support. You said you’d give it to me.”

Newmill spread the fingers on his hands and pushed away the air in front of him. “No. I didn’t. Well, yes, I did, but I obviously meant I’d give you my moral support. Why would I think that you meant supporting you physically?”

“Why wouldn’t you? I need to be taller or I’ll look suspicious. Please, Newmill, be my legs for me this one time, or I won’t be able to confess my feelings.”

Newmill was clearly conflicted. He did want to help me, but he didn’t want to be ridden like a horse. “Erm, fine. But just this one time, ok?”

“Thanks, Newmill. You’re a great friend.”

That comment got him a little flustered. I didn’t wait on ceremony. I climbed his back and then sat on his shoulders. The fur coat completely concealed him.

“Can you walk?” I asked.

Newmill took a few steps and didn’t stumble as much as I did with the stilts. He was finding it hard to support my weight, but his movements were not strange. “I hope you know, this is a horrible idea.” His voice was muffled from his cheeks being smushed by my thighs.

“I can’t thank you enough for this. You’re a star.” I pointed ahead. “Now onwards my steed.”

Luckily, Newmill could somewhat see out of the coat, so he didn’t run into lampposts while walking.

At my request, he entered through the gates to the garden and we both approached Frome. She was surprised to see a strange man coming up to her.

“Hello, Mrs Frome,” I said in my practised deep voice.

“Good day,” she replied, warily.

“Mrs Frome, I must admit something to you. I have been admiring you for some time now, and I finally have built up the courage to confess my feelings for you.” My heart was beating concerningly fast. It felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. “I love you! Please go out with me!”

“Huh?” Frome and Newmill said simultaneously.

From below, Newmill whispered, “I thought you had a crush on Penrin? Why are you asking her mother out?”

“Penrin?” I put my mouth under the coat and whispered back. “Why would you think I have feelings for her?”

“Of course that’s what I would think. You said you liked her since the soiree, right? You two bicker a lot but it seems friendly underneath. I was sure you were going to ask her out, not a woman four times older than you. Plus, her mother is married, idiot.”

“From what I’ve heard, her husband doesn’t deserve her. He’s off playing with other mistresses. I’ll treat her right.” I looked at Frome whose mouth was agape. She was stunned by my sudden confession. “Is that a yes?” I asked sheepishly.

Her mouth finally closed and she started breathing through her nose. “No way.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because I have no idea who you are.”

“I’m Yar— I mean I’m Yarmouth. It’s a pleasure to meet you after all this time of being your secret admirer.” I wiped away the sweat forming on my forehead. That was a close one.

“I see…” Frome stared at me, displeased and confused by my presence. “Is there anything else you need from me?”

This didn’t go as well as I had hoped. Well, I couldn’t be blamed for trying. I was happy just to have gotten this far.

[Charmer title activated.]

Time froze around me. Not this again, I pleaded to the System. A timer appeared, and I considered it the countdown to imminent misery. Whenever this title activated, nothing good happened.

[Choose the correct dialogue option for a reward.]

[Not gonna lie, you’re a baddie for real. Unc here caught feelings and now you’ve got me simping. I’m highkey down bad, so do you wanna make this official?]

[You are a goddess! If you allowed me the opportunity, I would literally worship the ground you walked. Please accept my devotion!]

[Were I to turn away now, I would go on to live a life of agony knowing I relinquished my chance with you. Won’t you please permit me half the day, so I may show you how deep my love for you runs?]

Holy guacamole, these were so bad yet again. The first one was just straight up gibberish. Nobody spoke like that, not even my niece. The second was far too desperate. It creeped even me out, so there was no telling what it would do to Frome. The last one was a little formal but also the least offensive to my braincells.

I clicked the final option before the System had a chance to punish me for letting the timer run out.

My mouth involuntarily opened. “Mrs Frome, it would be remiss of me to leave without explaining what drives my deep affection for you. Will you allow me the next few hours to truly confess how I feel about you?”

[You have chosen the correct dialogue option!]

[Reward: you receive a date with Frome.]

For once I mentally thanked the Charmer title for existing. I hadn’t lost my shot.

Frome still looked a little apprehensive, but she lost a significant portion of her repulsion. “What would you have us do?”

I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I shoved my head into the fur coat and whispered to Newmill, “Do you know any good places to go on a date?”

“Why are you asking me?” he whispered back, snappily. “I still think this is a terrible idea. Even more so now.”

“I don’t really know any places for a date. I’ve haven’t been in this city for long, ok?”

Newmill sighed which tickled the skin on my legs. “Fine. I feel like I’m going to regret this, but I do know a café that’s nearby. I’ll take you there.”

“You’re my hero, prince. I’ll do everything I can to pay you back for this.” I pulled my face back out of the coat and asked Frome to follow me.

Newmill took us to a quaint little café just off of a high street. There weren’t many customers inside, but we still settled on the outdoor seating. The chairs were made of a strange purple wood that was surprisingly soft when sat on.

We sat across from each other at a circular table. Both of us were silent. I had no idea what to say, and judging from her wandering eyes, neither did Frome.

Newmill, who was crouched in front of my seat, whispered, “Aren’t you going to ask her something? You haven’t spoken a word. This date is going to end prematurely if you don’t do something. On second thought, I’d prefer that. Keep silent.”

I stuffed my head down my coat. “I have no idea what to say. I’m not good at things like this.”

Newmill groaned. “You really just decided to do this on a whim, didn’t you? No preparation whatsoever.” Newmill flicked my leg in retribution. “Why don’t you ask her about flowers?”

“Why flowers?”

“She was tending to some in her garden. She must like them.”

“Good point.” It was actually a great idea. I was so glad Newmill was here to help me along. His moral support was almost as valuable as his physical support. I pulled my face out of my coat again and looked at Frome in the eyes. She was so beautiful. “So, um. Do you like plants?” I asked.

I heard a slapping sound come from under my coat.

“Plants?” Frome responded.

“Yeah. You were growing some in your garden.”

“Ah, yes. I do enjoy gardening.” Frome fiddled with her ring finger, despite there being no ring on it.

The plant question did not go as well as expected and things became awkward once more. I didn’t realise just how bad I was at flirting. What in the world was I supposed to ask?

This time, Frome initiated. “Mr Yarmouth, was it? You do realise I’m married and that I have a daughter. I spend most of my time raising her. That is one of the reasons why I cannot accept your confession.”

How many reasons were there, I wondered? “That doesn’t matter to me. I’ll help you raise her if need be. I’m quite good with children.” I wasn’t really sure how true that was. What I did know was that Penrin would hate it if I somehow became her stepfather.

“You want to raise her?” she chuckled. “That’s more than what her real father is willing to do.”

“May I take your order?” A waiter had approached our table without me noticing. He smiled at us with a paper and pen in hand.

I looked at the menu that was pre-placed on the table. “Hmm, I’ll have the cake slice of the day please.”

“Certainly.” The waiter jotted down my order.

“You ordered dessert?” Frome asked.

“Ah, yes.” I became a little embarrassed by my choice. I realised I should have picked something more refined like tea or coffee. That was what people usually came to cafés for.

“Do you like sweet things?” Frome’s smile was enchanting.

“Yes,” I said, with slight shyness. “It’s one of the reasons I like you.”

Frome’s eyes widened and her cheeks reddened. “Oh, is that so?” she stuttered. “I see…”

The waiter gave me a quick wink and a nod of approval. My ego suddenly inflated and I felt like I was actually pretty good at this dating stuff.

“I’ll have a slice of cake too, please,” Frome said.

“Of course, madam.” The waiter left and then quickly brought us each a slice of pistachio cake. “Enjoy.” He then left us alone. I picked up a spoon and began eating my slice.

“Do you have a sweet tooth as well?” I asked.

“Yes, I do.” Frome elegantly picked up a fork and pierced the cake. I was weirdly mesmerised by how graceful she was. It was bewitching, the way she brought the piece of cake to her mouth and didn’t drop a crumb.

“What’s your favourite thing to eat?” I asked.

“Scones with jam.”

“Oooh, that’s a good one.”

“And for yourself?”

“I’m a big fan of banoffee pie.”

Frome raised her eyebrows at me. “I’m not familiar.”

“Really?” I was surprised. Did this world not have banoffee pie? “It’s a pie with a thick crumbly crust, caramel sauce, and a banana layer topped with cream.”

“Oh, my. That sounds delicious. I would love to try it one day. Do you know where it’s sold?”

I shook my head. “I’m not sure where to find it. Maybe I can make it for you, one day?”

Frome was taken aback by my suggestion but not displeased. “That would be nice.” She smiled sweetly.

The two of us spoke at length about our love for sweets and desserts. We shared recipes and cooking techniques too. Before we knew it, half an hour had passed. “I’m sorry to have taken up so much of your time,” I said.

“Not at all. It was pleasant.”

Noticing we were about to leave, the waiter brought over the bill.

“Shall we pay separately?” asked Frome.

“No, there’s no need to split it. I think only one of us should pay.”

“Wow,” Frome giggled. “What a gentleman you are.”

I gave her an ashamed glance. “No… What I mean is that I want you to pay for me please. I’m poor right now.”

Her smile turned into a frown quite fast. “You brought me to an establishment you couldn’t afford to dine at?”

I nodded apologetically. “I’m sorry.” Though, it was Newmill who brought me here. Speaking of Newmill, I signalled for him to stand up.

“No matter. I’ll pay today, and you can pay next time,” she said as she footed the bill.

“Next time? So, you want to go on another date?” I asked happily.

“I’m still unsure as to how I feel about this, but I would like to see you again.”

Party poppers started going off in my head. I was ecstatic. Somehow, I had fumbled my way into a second date. I was actually making progress towards a fulfilling love life.

“Thank you for today.” Frome smiled and then leant in for a hug. That was bad. I didn’t react fast enough, and her arms wrapped around my body. When she squeezed, she realised that I had no form. What was worse was that her hug had set me off balance. I fell off of Newmill’s shoulders and dropped to the ground.

My head fell through the coat’s collar and both my beard and balding cap tugged on it. All the items of clothing had come off of my body at once. My disguise fell apart. Frome clearly saw me and Newmill. She yelped.

“You two are Penrin’s friends. You tricked me!”

“Wait, wait!” I held both my palms towards Frome and rotated them from side to side. “You’ve got it all wrong. This isn’t what it looks like.” It was exactly what it looked like.

“You…” Frome looked directly at me. She was obviously hurt by what I had done. “I didn’t expect this from you of all people. I thought you were a kind boy. I never imagined you would deceive me like this.”

“I didn’t deceive you! This disguise isn’t a lie! What’s a lie is this body.” I pointed to my child-like form. “I’m not a kid. I’m actually a 45-year-old man! The costume I was wearing is the real me.”

Frome didn’t believe any of what I said. She looked like she had been betrayed. Her eyes squinted and her lower lip curved upwards.

“I promise, Frome! You have to believe me. This isn’t my real body. I was summoned to this world and put into the body of a child. I’m actually a grown man.” My words weren’t getting through at all. “Please, believe me…”

Frome picked up her belongings. “You’re just the same as that other boy who tricked my daughter. All of you Heroes are liars.” She darted away.

What did she just say? “Are you talking about Loftus? I’m nothing like him at all! How can you even compare the two of us? He’s far worse than me. I didn’t even do anything wrong!” I shouted as she left eyeshot. “I didn’t lie to you Frome! This costume is the truth.” She couldn’t hear me any longer.

I dusted myself off and then glanced at Newmill. “I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”

Newmill was wiping the sweat from his body with a handkerchief. “Do you really think so?”

“I mean, yeah. Kind of.”

From what I could tell, the prince was angry. “I really regret doing this. I should’ve refused you from the moment that I knew this was a bad idea.”

“Why? You did great.”

“I helped you trick someone, Yarm. There’s nothing great about that.”

I softly grabbed him by the shoulder. “We didn’t trick anyone, Newmill. I’m telling you, the costume is actually what I look like.”

“Ugh, fine.” Newmill shoved my arm away. “Suppose that’s true, what difference does it make? If by some miracle you are actually an adult who was transported into this world, does that make what you did ok? You put on a costume and pretended to look like someone you aren’t. It doesn’t matter if you looked like that before, you don’t look like that now.”

This was the first time Newmill was so bold with me. I couldn’t remember a time when he spoke back to anyone so fiercely. But still, I disagreed. “This costume is no different than someone wearing a bunch of makeup. I’m just trying to look like my real self.”

Newmill poked his finger into my chest. “This is your real self. Stop denying reality. You look like a child, and it’s wrong to dress up as an adult to trick someone into falling in love with you.”

“I wasn’t trying to trick anyone.” To me, the real deception was when people thought of me as a child. This body was the deception. The costume was reality. I didn’t understand how Newmill thought otherwise.

“What difference does it make what you were ‘trying’ to do? Yarm, if you believe you’re an adult, that’s fine. I won’t argue with you. But if you think it’s acceptable to fool people, in an attempt to make them believe what you believe, then I’m not going to hang out with you anymore.” Newmill walked off. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as he left.