Seeking Strays

Sylvie was just finishing dinner by the time I got back to the apartment. She had on her apron, and hummed along with the radio while her tail swished cheerfully back and forth. “Reyna?”

”It’s me.” I closed the door and locked it behind me. I lightly tossed Vigil onto the counter, and moved over to give my sister a hug. “You seem happy.”

”Why wouldn’t I be?” She wiggled out of my embrace, and picked up an empty package still slick with blood. “I bought steaks! Ah, I’m so excited, Reyna! You know how long it’s been since I made steaks?”

”Um… a while.” Steaks weren’t exactly affordable. If I realized it meant so much to her, I would’ve gone hungry for a few days to save up so I could buy one. I felt a pang of regret at my stupider, younger self. 

“The last time was when I helped Mom make one.” Her expression died, and she shook her head. “Just before the Calamity killed her.”

Heh, right. A Calamity killed her. That was the official cover story, anyway. Sylvie was there, but it must’ve been a trauma block that made her forget what exactly happened. It was probably for the best that I alone knew what really went down the day we lost both our parents.

”Well, I’m sure she’d be proud of you.” I rubbed her cheek with my hand lightly, and backed away to wash my hands. “Need any help?”

”Can you cut the veggies?” She jerked her thumb back over to the table. “I was gonna make a salad, too.”

”Sure.” I moved past her to grab a knife.

About an hour later, we finished dinner and sat back on the couch. Sylvie was curled up on her side, though her ears perked up as one of those detective radio plays she loved so much came on. After a moment, they slumped down due to an interruption.

”We interrupt this program with an important message from Mayor Ballroy.” An announcer cut across the radio.

After a few moments, the smarmy voice of our beloved mayor spoke up. “Enough is enough, people of Silverport. If you’re caught in the riots, actively participating or otherwise helping, you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. The Peace Keepers have been working night and day without sleep to ensure the safety of our great citizens, but—“

Sylvie turned off the radio before he could go into another long rant. It was a fresh speech, but old words. Nothing we hadn’t heard before. ‘Sides, the riots wouldn’t be so easily put down this time around. I heard from Quinn that they erupted due to the death of twenty-seven young adults during a routine drug bust. ‘Course, the media wasn’t reporting that side of the story.

”So… how do you like being a teacher?” Sylvie asked me. She rolled over slightly, and winced as she crushed her tail. After a moment, it flicked back out to lay on the couch.

“I haven’t taught anyone yet.” I looked up from my laptop. Tomorrow we were supposed to have a meeting with the instructors of the upper classes, so probably wouldn’t be teaching anyone then, either. 

“You’ll do great!” She smiled brightly at me. “You taught me how to fight, after all. I was top of my class uncont”Heh, right.” I shook my head. I taught her because I was terrified that something would happen to her. I wasn’t sure if I could do the same for a bunch of unrelated kids… though I guess I’ll have to.

“Any hints as to what our future assignments will be?” Sylvie sat up, and shifted ever so closer to me with her ears perked up sharply.

“Um…” I pulled my tail into my lap, and lightly ran my hands through the soft fur. Quinn had repeatedly warned me about sharing anything with my sister that might give her an unfair advantage.

”Cat got your tongue?” Sylvie shifted, and looked up to me with big, wide puppy eyes. The light from the kitchen caught them just right, making the warm amber shift to a ghostly green eyeshine. “C’mon, sis? Not going to tell little old me?”

“I can’t. Academic honesty and all that.” I looked away from her, and continued to idly stroke my tail. I tried not to notice how her ears drooped tragically.

“Honesty smonesty.” She sighed, and flopped back onto the couch. “It’s fine, Reyna. Probably for the best you don’t tell me anything.”

”You… you don’t blame me?” I dropped my tail and looked up at her.

”For something so small? Never.” Her smile returned in full force, and she moved over to lean against my side. “You finally put away… what was his name? Vigil?”

“Vigil the Ninth.” I corrected, and shifted so she could be more comfortable. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, and lightly rubbed a small circle on her arm. “He takes his name very seriously.”

She broke into light laughter, and her amber eyes half-closed in amusement. “I’ll take your word for it, Reyna.”

I smiled back. It felt good to be honest with her, even if she didn’t believe me. “Vigil’s something alright.”

”Are you going to get him a mate?” She asked teasingly, and nodded to my bedroom. “One of those black wolves you hoard in your room back there, maybe?”

"Wouldn't dream of it.” He’d probably have some strong words for me if I went that far. “Classes going okay?”

”Yeah, just boring.” She sighed heavily. “I thought Silverport Academy would be different, but it's just the same.”

“It’s just school.” I missed it, to be honest. Back then I didn’t have to worry about anything—back when my parents were still alive and I went to school, at least. The academy had been extremely stressful.

We fell into an easy silence. I stared at the window, and watched the rainwater splash against the alleyside pane of glass. Red and Blue lights flickered through it as a Peace Keeper drove down the road just outside our apartment. Probably on their way to deal with someone jaywalking. 

“Hey, there’s this circus over the weekend.” I rifled through my pockets for the flyer I got from the clown. During dinner with Bruce, the circus master had been quite adamant that I brought her along to enjoy the festivities. He promised the VIP treatment for old time’s sake. “I know we don’t usually go to stuff like this, but would you want to?”

”A circus?” Her head tilted to the side, and one of her ears cocked in the other direction. “Like with clowns and stuff? What brought this on?”

”I visited an old friend.” I held up the flyer for her to see. “You remember Uncle Bruce? He came by a few times when you were just a kid.”

”Faintly.” Her nose scrunched up in thought. “Didn’t you say he died?”

”Thought he did.” I waved the flyer around. I really didn’t want to explain to Sylvie anything more than I needed to. She looked up to me. Would that remain the same if she knew who I really was? The things I’d done to keep us safe? “So? I-if you don’t want to, that’s fine—”

“‘Course I’d like to spend time with you, Reyna.” She laughed and shook her head. “Is that really even a question?”

All the time. I bit my tongue, and just shook my head alongside her. I wasn’t some creep who thought about her every waking moment that I wasn’t busy, right? Right? Heh…

My tail wagged rapidly in excitement. A smile sprang to my lips as I started to make plans for this weekend. Oh! We could get cotton candy freshly made! I always saw the other kids with that kind of thing when I was younger. And the hall of mirrors! I always wanted to see what that was like! 

Maybe… maybe face painting? Wasn’t that something that happened at circuses? Games were a must, ‘course. If they had a fortune teller, we definitely needed to go by there. My tail wagged around more and more as I thought through all the things we could go do. I could hardly contain my excitement.

Sylvie smiled softly at me like watching a cute puppy, and I forced myself to chill out. I was supposed to be the big sister here. Why was I more excited than her? I held my tail and forced it to go still. Despite my best efforts, the tip of it still twitched back and forth. “I’ll start planning it out.”

“Can I invite some people?” Sylvie asked.

My tail instantly dropped, and my fingers tightened around the circus flyer. One of my nails punched through the paper, and pressed tightly into my palm. Why? This was supposed to be just us. You just said you wanted to spend time with me? Why invite others that’d just take you away from me? “Who?”

”Oh, you know.” She looked down. Her soft silver hair draped over her face as if trying to hide her annoyed expression. I still caught it all the same. “Just River. Maybe Vanessa and her Canary, too?”

Am I… am I annoying? I dropped the crumpled flyer, and instead grabbed my tail tightly in my hands. Of course she wanted to invite friends. There was nothing wrong with that. I was just being a bitch. So why did my chest hurt so much?

“If not, that’s okay! It can just be me and you.” She tried to backtrack, but it was already way too late. “Reyna…”

”Sorry. I’m sorry.” I shook my head and backed away further to my side of the couch. “No, it’s fine. You can invite your friends.”

“I just thought it’d be fun with more people.” Her silver ears mirrored mine, and drooped roughly. “I still want to go with you.”

“I know.” I said flatly as I stared at her ears. Did I cause that? Was dealing with me that difficult? Cerberus had the right idea after all. “It’s fine.”

“Why are you acting like I said I never want to be around you?” Sylvie looked at me with an expression somewhere along the lines of why are you being like this? “I hate it when you do this.”

I flinched, and my ears flattened to the sides of my head. There’s that word again. That stupid, hurtful word. “Do what?”

”When you shut down!” She waved a hand at me. “It’s okay to be hurt, Reyna. Just don’t shut me out. Please?”

”I… I’m not hurt.” I fixed my posture and lifted my head proudly. Heh, right. I couldn’t let her see it. “I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.”

”Sis, you’re doing it right now.” Sylvie groaned, and dropped her head into her hands. She peeked up at me in between her fingers.

”Doing what?” I had no idea what she was talking about. 

”That!” She practically growled out at me.

”Do I look hurt? I’m not hurt.” I forced myself to meet her eyes. She looked away first, and her shoulders slumped backward. “See? Totally fine.”

“You know I’m not a little kid anymore, right?” She eyed me. “You don’t have to take care of me all the time anymore. You can have your own feelings without having to guard mine all the time.”

“I don’t do that.” My false calm instantly shattered like a train ramming through a window. “Do I?”

Sylvie just glared flatly at me. My palm hurt, and drew my attention down. Blood welled up from the crescents where my nails had dug deep into my palm. The scent of it was already rising into the air, and the familiar metallic tang made my skull throb.

Shit. I stuffed my hand into my pocket before she could see it. I definitely couldn’t let her see that. She’d broken down the last time she caught me doing this kind of thing. I wasn’t ever doing that to my adorable little sister again. 

Thankfully, she was too focused on the argument to scent the air and notice the sharp copper of blood. I could smell it, though. It was strong. So disgustingly strong I could basically taste it. It tore at my nose, and stirred my stomach into a nauseated mess.

“I don’t need a bodyguard, Reyna!” She shouted, and then winced as I flinched away from her. 

I stared at her with wide eyes. Of course she didn’t need a bodyguard. She was an Awoken now. And I? I was just her useless older sister holding her back from a life destined for greatness. Her older sister who was a criminal, liar, and bloodthirsty monster who thought about stealing people’s hearts constantly these days. Of course she didn’t need me around anymore.

Horizon would give her money if she just asked. River would be with her in the field from now on. Vanessa was just another name in the long list of her friends. She wasn’t all alone like me. She was so much better, and had more than enough people around her. So would it be better if I wasn’t? If I just disappeared?

Sylvie didn’t need me to walk her places anymore. I’d just be an annoyance. She didn’t need me to stay up waiting at night for her. She did that more for me than I ever did for her. Eventually, she wouldn’t even need me to teach her how to fight. That was good… wasn’t it?

Sylvie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. My ears shot upright toward her as my focus narrowed. When she opened them again, anger was still there. Something else had crept in alongside it.

”I don’t need you to throw yourself in front of everything that might hurt me. Especially if it's yourself.” Her voice cracked, and she rubbed at her eyes. “I just need my sister. Is that so hard?”

“But… I am your sister?” And nothing could take that away.

”That’s not what I meant!” The anger in her eyes sparked back to life. My ears flattened back down. What did she mean then? “Why do you think you’re supposed to just throw your life, feelings, and wants away for me?”

”I—”

”I don’t want that, Reyna!” She grabbed my hand, the one that wasn’t injured, and wrapped both of hers around it. “Why can’t you just see that?”

My heart hurt. It was always terrible when she was angry with me. It was like I was a failure that couldn't even make my own sister happy. I stared down at her hands wrapped around mine, and whispered, “but you’re my little sister.”

”So does that mean you’re supposed to just throw everything away for me?!” Her hands tightened on my own. “Why do you think your life matters less than my own?”

Because it does. I didn’t say that out loud though. It’d just make her angrier. Instead, I sat in silence with her. It was a loud, oppressive silence that even the occasional clap of thunder couldn’t fully shatter. 

“Do you have any idea what it was like when you didn’t come home?” She eventually asked.

“Sylvie…”

”A month, Reyna.” She lifted one of her hands to my chin, and forced me to look up into her eyes. “I sat by your bedside for a month crying my eyes out.”

I wanted to push her hand away, but I had no free hands. One would just make her freak out if I showed it, and the other was held by her. ”I know.”

“No you fucking don’t!” She let go of me. Her nose twitched, and she backed away from me.

“Hey.” My voice broke, and I tried again as I reached for her. “Hey, it’s okay, Sylvie—“

“Stop!” She jerked away like she’d just touched the hot oven, and my hand froze. Her eyes glistened. “This is what I’m talking about! I’m upset, but that doesn’t mean you have to fix it!”

“I was just…” I dropped my hand into my lap, and softly pulled at the strands of silver. I didn't know what I was just doing. Comforting her? Was that so bad?

“I need you to understand that you matter to me, Reyna.” She said softly. It was the kind of irritated, angry soft though. “Why can’t you just give me an answer?”

”I don’t have one! Okay!” For the first time in a long time, I got loud at her. Regret immediately flooded my system, and I curled back in on myself. “I don’t have any answers you’d want to hear.”

“You—! You!” She shot up from the couch and glared down at me. “You totally missed my point! Fuck!”

”Sorry—”

”There you go again!” She angrily brushed back her hair. Then, seemingly thinking better of it, she backed away from me to her room. She stopped just at the door. “I need some time alone. Night, Reyna.”

“Goodnight,” I called weakly after her as she closed the door softly behind her. 

I watched the door for several long moments. Eventually, I reached down and picked up the flyer. A speck of blood stained it from where I pierced through the paper with my nails. I carefully smoothed out the crumpled flyer and stared down at the smiling clown.

Dinner was still on the table. Right. I put the flyer down on the counter, and moved to pack away the leftover steak. Sylvie had been so excited about it. It’d be a real shame for it to go bad. I carefully wrapped hers, and put it on the top shelf where she’d see it tomorrow.

With that taken care of, I moved onto the dishes. I kept one ear lifted toward her room while I worked, but it was dead silent. Somehow, that was worse. Was she still mad at me? Was she sad? Did she hate me?

The soapy water slowly turned pink, and I flinched as I noticed the stinging from where the soap got into the open wounds of my palm. My nose twitched, and I eyed the trail of blood from the couch to the dinner table.

My ears shot upright as Sylvie’s bed creaked. I definitely couldn’t let her see that. Not after the argument we just had. I quickly cleaned away the evidence with practiced motions, and wrapped my bleeding hand in a bandage. 

While I finished the dishes, my eyes never left the wrinkled circus flyer sitting on the counter. I had no idea if we were still going.